Give Me Something To Sing About

2012 Goals

2012-01-01T00:01:00.009-05:00

A new year. 2012. That means....DO OVER!

That's the great thing about the new year, you can look back on things and for the most part, change what you didn't like, do what you didn't do, try new things.

For my 2012 reading list, please check out Bastion of Books.

Looking back on my 2011 Goals sometimes makes me a little sad, because I know my health prevented some things. And while that can't be avoided I can't help but sigh.

While I did meet up with a very special someone from online, another friendship ended. But GF has become part of our family, a real blessing and unexpected surprise!
Health. My 6 chronics are still here, and with the exception of my PsA/AS, remain without decent treatment or relief. The Enbrel makes my PsA/AS tolerable most days.
Still no pug, though we did adopt a rat!
No singing lessons, no tryouts. I was supposed to sing the Anthem for a judo tournament and was too ill to attend. I haven't given up the idea for auditioning though!
I did work on Zazzle, so hooray!
We did stay at a hotel for a tournament so I call that a vacation ;)
I started my freelance promotional services and continue to write book reviews!

So, yeah, goalwise, 2011 wasn't exactly winning. But I keep trying!

For 2012:

Adopt a pug and get some tankmates for my fish
Plan for our 20th wedding anniversary! We're already talking about it (Sept 5).
get on Skype!
Learn to use my Dragon software to make writing easier
work on crafts and other items for The Crafty Angel
Audition for Jeopardy
I would LOVE to go to a Monster Truck Jam this year. GRAVEDIGGER DUDE. And it's all House MD's fault ;)
Kennedy Space Center--we have tickets, need to plan a weekend to go!
Explore new foods--or at least new recipes
More Reading, More Watching Movies
Maybe a new piercing or tattoo (funds allowing)
Get together with GF as often as possible
Redecorate our Bedroom--it will be a Moroccan theme (mostly). I am so excited about this--JM will be building custom furniture for the room (a vanity, bookcases, etc).
More hair colors for 2012!
More blogging here and at The Manicured Slayer in 2012!

Are you making goals? Link me!

2011 Year in Review

2011-12-29T08:42:00.009-05:00

I really don't know how in the WORLD it is almost 2012. Seriously. Time Flies doesn't even fit it...it's more like Time Goes At Warp Speed.

2011 was one of those years that started out like a lamb, and nearly ended a roaring lion of a hurricane.

My kids turned 9 and 16, and started 4th and 11th grade. Judoqueen is DRIVING for pete's sake. Just learner's so far but STILL.

JQ, JediBoy and their dad still do Judo. JQ made national ranking for the first time.

JB began gifted (2nd half of 3rd grade).

JB tested negative for lobster on his bloodtest!

JQ made National Honor Society.

JB, at Thanksgiving, decided he knew "all about Santa" (ie US). On Dec 24 he did an about face, making sure cookies and soynog were left out. Better safe than sorry!

My nephew, PoohBear, turned 2, and can now "say" my name! I am in heaven!!

Willow turned 4.

I began freelance promotional work and continued with book and product reviews. I started The Manicured Slayer, my Beauty Blog! Tune in for giveaways soon!

JudoMan and I celebrated our 19th anniversary. I turned 41 and dyed my hair with Manic Panic.

I kissed a girl and I liked it. I was able to come to terms with my sexuality as well.

Then....there were the rough times.....

JudoMan got laid off in September after 19 yrs with a very large defense company. Yeah I'm still very bitter.

After a disasterous trial on methotrexate, I had to switch to Enbrel for my Psoriatic Arthritis/Ankylosing Spondylitis.

I tried to have a uterine ablation--now known as the Failblation.

I had hernia Surgery earlier this month, and I'm still recovering. It's caused a horrible flare up of my chronics.

JQ broke up with her boyfriend.

I continue to miss my Grandma terribly.

My final migraine medication failed.

But....just as always.....things got better and look up for 2012:

JM got a job (he started today!) and while this means a whole lot of changes we can't wait to dance around that first paycheck! He'll be working in an office full-time after 12 yrs of telecommuting. We'll have a new insurance, and right now, only have one car. We hope to get a 2nd car when it's time for tax refunds!

JQ has her sights set on Brown University--Ivy League! She's going to take the SAT/ACT in coming months, and get her permanent license. *faint* She continues to volunteer at the city nursery, mentor underpriviledged students (especially girls in science, her passion), and participate in A-Team, Epicurian Club, Spanish Club, Art Club, Gay Straight Alliance, as well as study her ass off. She's still 10th in her class! I can't believe my daughter will be a Senior in the fall! I *remember* being a senior! We're already talking about a graduation party ;)

JB's grades are improving as his teachers work with him and his organization and attention. He is getting better at judo as well! He has his "secret move" that really serves him well in matches! He's doing great in music class learning the recorder (on my recorder which was then passed to both of my sisters). We hope to work in more violin (dad) and piano (me) lessons so he'll be ready to audition for the choir next year at school. I can't believe he's going to be 10--no more single digits! I swear, both of them were just babes in arms weeks ago.....

We have adopted a rat. Her name is Ratatouille, Tooey for short. More on Tooey in another post!

I will be attempting Botox for my migraines, insurance permitting. And as many side effects as there are from it, I can't WAIT to get back on my Enbrel. It really does work wonders and I hurt like crazy without it.

We hope to finally adopt a pug! And Merry & Pippin, my parrotfish chiclids, may soon be getting tankmates and an extreme tank makeover.

I can't wait to work on quilts, jewelry and other craft items, some for me, some for The Crafty Angel!

I will be examining some extreme makeover for myself--it just depends on finding the right doctor and managing it with my husband's new work schedule.

JQ will go tour Brown University and may have an internship with MD Anderson in Texas with my sister this summer.

JB will have skin tests, and hopefully oral challenges for his food allergies. This is both extremely exciting and scary, not to mention the discomfort from the testing itself.

With no vacation time, JM and I will be having lots of "staycation" time on the weekends. I'll be home alone until the kids get home--this is a huge adjustment, did I mention that? LOL

I will turn 42. The answer to life, the universe and everything! I wish....

I'm sure there are things that I'm forgetting. It's been A YEAR.

Thank you to all my lovely readers, may you and yours be blessed in 2012!!

Angels on Patrol

2011-12-27T09:38:00.000-05:00

I wrote this in 1998 after the tragic loss of 3 Tampa Bay police officers. Over the years, and this week, I've had to add to it. This week, it was once more one of our own. My family is heartbroken. In memory of Officer Crispin, and in honor of all those who serve, I offer this as a humble tribute, with thanks and tears.

Angels on Patrol

by Krista Schwabe (1998)

You didn't have a chance

You didn't make this choice

And now the earth cries out

For another silenced voice

More grief, more tears shed

More families to console

We ask why, try to say goodbye

To another Angel on Patrol

Even my little one, she knows,

You make it safe for her to play

And it's a shame, it's a crime

Not everyone thinks that way

An officer's life is a noble one

Peace and justice are your goals

We send our love as you watch from above

Three more Angels on Patrol.

Flags flying at half-mast

In the warm breeze mournfully wave

You are a Hero, gave up your life

So other lives could be saved

We thank you for your service

In a world that's out of control

May God bless you in Heaven above

Guardian Angel on Patrol

1998 * In Memory of Tampa Bay Police Detectives Randy Bell, Rick Childers, and Highway Patrol Trooper James Crooks *

2006 *In Memory of Deputy Matt Williams and K-9 Diogi*

2011 *In Memory of Sgt. Tom Batinger, Ofc, Jeffrey Yaslowitz*

2011 *In Memory of Officer David Crawford*
2011 *In Memory of Officer Arnulfo Crispin*

It's my Blogiversary: I'll cry if I want to

2011-12-19T07:24:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow will be the 7th anniversary of this blog, started on December 20, 2004.

I still have the headaches and migraines that prompted its birth.

I really had wanted to do a sort of giveaway for this momentous occasion but my hernia surgery has really knocked me on my butt. Look for one in the new year!

One NOT depressing announcement: MY HUSBAND GOT A JOB!!!!!! We found out Friday and are over the moon relieved. He will start January 3rd.

Three months of unemployment have taken its toll on my nerves--they haven't gotten the news yet, apparently. Ativan anyone?

I will post a "end of the year" type post soon. But for Christmas laughs, I leave you with one of the first posts I wrote, A Gift that Sucks: A Tale of Christmas Past

Enjoy :)

NOT coming unglued

2011-12-03T04:14:00.000-05:00

My belly incision is glued, get it? hahaha. Yeah. Ok, FINE (don't you dare laugh Amanda j/k).

I swear, as God is my witness, if I am ever scheduled for a surgery that ACTUALLY happens on time, I think the shock will kill me. In the past 4 major surgeries, not once has it happened on time. Today, they were running 3 hrs late.

Now, that being said, I truly do understand--it's a hospital, the major one in our area. Accidents can, do, and did happen, and the OR was needed. There are worse things than waiting--like being the person who desperately needed that OR.

My only complaint is that since I can't take any meds while I'm there, my pain levels creep up and they can't give me anything. I wish they'd just hook me up to the "happy juice" and I'd be as happy as a clam. My nerves and pain was driving up my blood pressure which did concern them a bit until I explained my BP is dead-on normal.

I even slept for an hour, read half of Stephen King's e-book "Mile 81" on my Nook Color (awesomesauce!) and just chatted with hubby.

OOH OOH OOH! He has a HALF to FULL DAY interview at the company next week! This is SO VERY GOOD. Honestly I think anyone would be hard-pressed to meet my hub and not like him on the spot. He is just "that guy". Crossed fingers, toes, prayers, candles, anything you got--throw it our way!!

So, I got several comments on my hair. Upon learning that my daughter did her hair, likes her self-proclaimed "hippy look", one staff member said "Well, as long as it doesn't get too weird."

I pulled up my hair net, showing off the brightest pink/purple patch in my hair and said "Around our house, nothing is 'too weird'" and got a good laugh from a few of the staff. I didn't even have my nose ring in to prove it.

My anesthesiologist is Japanese and could read my tattoo--how cool is that? Technically "Joshi"--which in judo means "girl student of judo" also means "Female champ" or something like that. To which I commented she is nationally ranked. But she was most tickled about JudoQueen wanting to be a neuroscientist and is currently mentoring elementary-age girls about going into science.

My nails (which will be featured over on Manicured Slayer) got rave reviews from everyone today, especially as they were strapping me in for surgery in the OR. They thought it was cool about all my blogs. Yes I'm a chatty girl when nervous (the happy juice, sadly, was an epic fail. It even took a few minutes to knock me out).

Five stars to everyone involved today, especially my surgeon. She knew how terribly concerned I was about the pain. She returned a few minutes later and told me she was going to give me toradol at the beginning of surgery to help stop inflammation before she began. In addition, toradol increases the effectiveness of narcotic pain medication. Double bonus!

Now I have about a 3 inch incision across my button and to the right side. I never cease to be amazed that they use GLUE to hold it shut. The hernia--caused from my gall bladder surgery 3 yrs ago--was large, but not as large as it could have been. And nothing major was involved. It was.....belly fat. I think she removed it since it feels just a tiny bit flatter. HEY EVERY INCH COUNTS.

The surgery took less than an hour (good since anesthesia makes me dumb as Dory). However I once more awoke with a terribly sore throat from extubation, as well as a fat lip O_o Breathing tube going in--no problem. Getting it out--problem.

I also think that me & morphine don't get along--and perhaps was part of the severe pain I experienced w/ my GB surgery. My O2 sats kept falling in the low 90's and below a few times. They were awesome and gave me a mask instead of a cannula. Though a dose or two of morphine definitely took the edge off to where it was very tolerable.

AND, Dr. Incredible Surgeon sent me home with dilaudid for my pain. BOOYAH.

About 2 hrs after surgery, I was up and SO ready to go home. We were there a little less than 12 hrs due to the delay. Needless to say I am really pleased at how well I am doing.

Yes, I'm weak and wobbly, exhausted and sore, plus a bit nauseous. But at this moment (I just woke up to take pain meds) I don't feel like i had surgery--more like I did 100 crunches. That's a win in my book.

So I'm to take it easy, no lifting for at least 2 weeks, and I see the doc in a week. It is good to be home with my family--including the dog who was a bit intrigued by my "hospital smell". I am so relieved I didn't have to stay overnight. I got to hug my kids, sleep in my own bed, even watched an episode of Beavis & Butthead (heheheheh fire). And had a few bowls of ice cream, as well as some creamed corn (hey it's a comfort food, soft and warm). No wonky hospital food. No one waking me up (just the pain).

The Slayer declares the hernia to be slain, and the surgery a success.

Happy Weekend!

Slayer Surgery

2011-11-29T17:51:00.000-05:00

So I finally saw the surgeon and I am having hernia surgery on Friday.

Yay.

Or not.

I mean it's good I'm having it now--it hurts and I'm covered 100% right now. Hubby has a job prospect that is looking better, and that would mean starting over on insurance. This way I have a shot of feeling better by Christmas (I hope).

Same surgeon as the one who did my gallbladder (and hubby's). She said the pain will probably be worse. Great. BUT that's why we're going to do it at the hospital and she will admit me for pain control if it's too much. Added to Dream Team of Docs, check.

I'm freaking out a bit, mostly the thought of the pain. I *literally* thought I was dying when I woke up in recovery, thinking that you could not have pain that bad and NOT be dying. I remember frantically trying to have them get my husband, convinced it would be my last chance to say goodbye. Yeah. Freaking out. But I know ahead of time so hopefully that will also be better managed this go around.

It's the waiting that gets to me as well--it's like, just give me the damn happy juice IV drip and get on with it. Then I'm happy as a clam. I'm also going to insist on a oxygen mask instead of a cannula since it dries out my sinuses and gives me a killer migraine. And we're taking my ice bag for my head just in case. Plus my MP3 (impossible to sleep in the hospital) and possibly Tigress from Kung Fu Panda--hubby got her for me when I had my GB surgery. Yeah I like stuffed animals.

Feel free to drop me a line at headacheslayer@gmail.com.

I'll post asap.

A Season for Thanks--a unique perspective for 2011

2011-11-21T06:16:00.000-05:00

It's kind of odd, feeling thankful while my husband is still looking for a job (this begins week 7 of unemployment). I see the ads for various charities--food kitchens, Toys for Tots, Heifer Project, to name a few--and not once do I feel like "the less fortunate". We are looking for everything we do qualify for (medication assistance--which I had before he lost his job--for my Enbrel; unemployment for my husband which will help pay for the insane COBRA insurance payment monthly).

But not once do I worry about food or for my kids going without.

When my husband lost his job Sept 19, we talked to the kids immediately. And with Christmas quickly approaching, I had to pull JediBoy aside, just so there would be no disappointment that day. Believe me, I'm not the kind of parent that believes my kids should have *everything* they want, regardless of money. But my kids are good, they help around the house far more than their peers, and are generally awesome people to be around.

Of course this is when I found out that JediBoy *knows* about Santa. He was really quite cute about it, and that's when I taught him our family motto: If you don't believe, you don't receive. So although there won't be cookies on the mantle, or yelling up the chimney to tell Santa he's going to bed, by GOD there WILL be stockings, hung with care ;)

Anyway.....I have been stashing things away as I've found them for the past few months, and health willing, I have a few items I want to make for the kids as well as friends.

So, even with no prospect of a job yet--though he just applied for a great position this week, and applied for a few more yesterday--how do I remain thankful?

*Blink*

Really, you've been reading this blog for HOW long and you're looking to me for sage advice?

Sanity through pharmaceuticals.

No, I AM being serious.

But serious joking aside, I am thankful because we DO have so much. We have family and friends who have told us to call upon them should we need anything at all. Everything from a friendly ear to hiring my daughter (I SO *heart* you Amanda!), it all matters and makes all the difference in the world.

I have amazing doctors who don't just see me as a patient, but as a person with a family. They care about the whole package. Dr. Awesome will listen about my kids--she is really the best mini-therapist in the world--because she knows that what is going on with them affects my health. My rheumatologist told me she's praying for us. I will once more be putting my trust in the surgeon who performed both my gall bladder surgery and JudoMan's--I have a hernia that's only getting worse, and with my out of pocket max reached, might as well have it taken care of now! (I see her tomorrow for my first consult--more updates as I have them).

My internet friends....whether my readers here, friends on Twitter or Facebook, and people I meet through blogging and book reviews....each a blessing themselves and I am far richer a person for knowing them, whether it's discussing a novel, the latest nail polish, or chatting with a longtime onine friend.

Most of all, my family.....JediBoy who can make me howl with laughter one minute, then bringing me ice packs for my headache and cuddling me the next. He's struggling with school, but he has the biggest heart and all his teachers care for him. His tales of his latest Dodgeball win (complete with slo-mo ninja dodging moves) make my day. JudoQueen, who dazzles me every day with her amazing sense of self and how she juggles her life. She is the girl I wish I had been in high school. Watching TV with her or discussing psychology, or the mating habits of fruitflies (don't ask), I *love* this age. JudoMan, who balances it ALL, takes care of me, the house, the kids....and allows me to be exactly who I am, no conditions. And of course Willow the wonder dog, who is always there for a sweet nuzzle and comfort (and, once JM gets a job, we hope will be joined by a furry brother or sister).

My health is not good, my migraines are out of control. Jediboy's allergies and asthma continue to flare up. JudoQueen has normal teenage angst. And sometimes I do feel quite alone.

And yet, this Thanksgiving, I do feel blessed. I hope you and yours are likewise blessed now, and always.

Fall TV reviewed

2011-11-09T17:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it's a little bit past the beginning of the 2011 Fall TV season, but I'm just getting around to watching things on my DVR (best. invention. ever.)

A few shows have already fallen by the wayside, victims of a too-full DVR, or somehow eaten by a hungry DVR. My DVR has an eating disorder.

But the rest have won a spot in my heart and on my series manager:

Ringer--love love love this show, and I'm sure a great deal has to do with the fact that it's the return of Sarah Michelle Gellar (BUFFY!).

The Secret Circle--ok, it's a teen show, and a little cheesy, but still, so very cool. Like a toned down "The Craft".

Grimm--Just watching the premiere now--ZOMG so very good! I'm sure the fact that one of the creators of Buffy has a hand in this is one reason. Lots of overtones of Buffy, a little humor, mostly creepy. I mean, "Sweet Dreams" sealed it for me.

American Horror Story--I've only watched one episode.....holy cats. WEIRD and BIZARRE doesn't even begin to describe it. I'm intrigued enough to keep watching. The idea that the creator of Glee makes this....whoa.

Beavis & Butthead--hehehehehehehehehehehehehe fire hehehehehehehehehe Ok so I haven't watched this yet but DUDE. Best comeback show EVER. I still have my B&B coffee mugs. I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!

Returning shows:

HouseMD--Season 8 is a bit of a mixed bag. Love House (House. In jail. GROWL. Sexy badboy goodness!). Love Park. Glad Taub & Chase are back. Not-Park can leave thank you. I miss 13. And....Cuddy who? The medicine has been a bit weak, but I've laughed so hard. I will be heartbroken if this is the last season.

GLEE--there's a weird shift this season that I'm not loving.....and LOVE seeing the winners from The Glee Project on (Damian!! *swoon*). But it IS Glee and I'm forever a Gleek. I have almost every CD from the show. It makes me happy!

Desperate Housewives--the final season is very good and juicy but wow, I will miss this show. I've been there from the beginning.

Bitchin Kitchen--LOVES The Nads. Nadia G is hot and her recipes are amazing. Her mac & cheese won my heart FOREVER.

What got ditched:
Once Upon a Time--I really had intended on watching this, but my DVR ate the first episode and I just didn't want to bother with it. I'll catch it on DVD though.

Terra Nova--I really did want to watch this but my DVR was piling up. Sure it's like Jurassic Park 2.0 but still looks cool. DVD for sure.

Revenge--looked good, space was an issue. DVD probably.

Farewell to:
Rescue Me--LOVED this show. I think it did the men & women of the FDNY a real service, post 9-11. Denis Leary is so awesome. I hope to see him elsewhere soon.

What's earned a spot on your DVR?

Steve Jobs: RIP

2011-10-07T10:43:00.001-04:00

I've never owned a Mac, or an iPod, and only drool about having an iPhone. The only apple we own is probably in the produce drawer in our refrigerator.

But for the man who was the innovator in computers, I thank him. For the man who helped invent what became hundreds of fonts on my computer, I thank him. And for the man who helped us learn that Toys are real, Monsters aren't really scary, and that Finding a little clownfish would melt our hearts, I thank and bless him.

Rest in peace, Steve Jobs. I think your speech is one of the finest I've ever heard. Although I only learned of it today, it has profoundly moved me and it's something I want to always remember. I hope it has that affect on my husband, who, like you, lost his job. I hope it impacts my daughter, who is always hungry for more knowledge.

Thank you for what you've done for us. We'll be expecting Heaven 2.0 or iAfterlife in the near future. Because something tells me you're not going to stop working or imagining any time soon. Blessings.

Here is the transcript of Steve Jobs' 2005 Commencement Speech at Stanford U.

Wordle

2011-09-29T08:35:00.002-04:00

Headacheslayer's Fieldtrip: To The ER

2011-09-24T11:06:00.000-04:00

Today's trip to the ER brought to you by the letters OW, CMD, and CT and by the numbers 30 and 150 over 40.

That would be ow, Complex Migraine Disease, CT scan, how many days I'd had a status migraine, and my Blood pressure at the ER. Yeah I have NO idea how you can have a BP like that (anyone? anyone? Bueller?)

After the shock of my husband's immenent unemployment began to sink in, my migraine and blood pressure, needless to say, were no better. A few rounds of phone tag with the neurologist, and his only solution was to have me go to the hospital he was affiliated with and ask for "IV Therapy." I was assured they would know what that meant for a status migraine, and *if not* they were to call and get instructions.

Had it just been the pain, I think I would have not gone in Thursday evening and waited until Friday. However, not knowing where my blood pressure was at--it had been 140 over 110 2 weeks prior and I knew I felt worse (vision getting weird, chest feeling like a dozen elephants running around on it). I did not want to risk having a stroke (having complex migraine disease increases your risk of stroke as it is).

So. My list of meds plus all of them in a bag, and a few things just in case I got admitted, we headed off to the hospital, about 35 minutes away.

It was a dark and stormy night.....so we got there around 7pm--about the same time 5 emergency vehicles came in with patients. I got a wheelchair, was fully checked in by 9pm and.....we sat.

And sat.

And sat. People were called--phantom people I guess because lots were called but no one moved. Meanwhile the bright lights and the noise were really getting to me, as was the pain. I purposely did not take my meds because I have lucked out at other ERs and been seen and treated within a few hours and didn't want to overmedicate.

I bit off all my nails. Terrible habit. But with all the pride I've had over my nails, you KNOW I was literally at my wit's end. All I could think was pain...hubby's job....pain.....how are we going to make it....pain....could you people PLEASE SHUT UP IN HERE IT"S NOT A FUCKING SOCIAL CLUB! I wanted to smack small children as they ran around. And the obnoxious parents of said children. I mean, really. I understand people don't feel well and are worried about loved ones, but for that very reason, I feel like people should show a little bit of respect for the rest of the people who need some peace and quiet.

By 11pm I had LOST MY SHIT and started to cry. I begged hubby to ask them for a dark room, hell, a closet, just so I could be in the dark and lie down. It was at that point someone maybe realized oops, we've lost some patient files. Like MINE.

FINALLY a person came out, called names to double-check everyone. I was not called but another person came out said they were going to get me to a room very soon.

I was still crying. I was done in. Me, in my bright yellow "Home of the Irritated Brain" shirt, crying silently into my hand. Movement of a patient across from me caught my eye and I raised my head.

They'd brought him in awhile ago, but not too long. He was older, in a wheelchair, a large man with an oxygen cannula, wearing a paper mask, whether to avoid passing or getting germs I don't know. He'd been wet, so they draped a blanket around him. As he passed my, he made his attendant stop.

"Excuse me," he said softly. I looked him in the eyes and gave him a small smile. "I hope I don't come off as too forward here."

"Okay." You meet all sorts in the ER and I thought, ok, he's going to say something about me crying.

"God laid it on my heart and told me I needed to pray for you. Would that be okay?" I think my jaw dropped a bit as I nodded and said yes, absolutely.

He took my hand, it was large, warm, and just...so comforting. He asked my name, and then began praying the most beautiful prayer a stranger has ever prayed for me. My tears of pain and worry turned to weeping.....because everything this stranger said, I knew was coming straight from the heart of God.

At first, he prayed for me, for strength, comfort and for knowlege that everything was going to be okay, and that I was loved. But it was the next part that really, absolutely changed my heart and soul. He asked for my burdens, the strap of my burdens to be removed...and at that moment, I felt a light burning sensation across my back and a lifting sensation. I swear I am not making this up.

Next he asked for strength for my family, and healing for the struggles and burdens they were going thru....and not once had we mentioned my husband's job situation in that hospital. There is only one way this man knew what to pray and it was because my husband and I had been asking God questions all week about why this was happening. This man, this gentle bear of a stranger, was telling us, direct line from God. The heaviness in my heart vanished and is still at peace.

As he finished, I don't know how I managed to speak, I was in shock--but I told him he had no idea how much that prayer meant to me and blessed him. I could tell from his eyes he was smiling as he squeezed my hand. I am tearing up right now just thinking about it. Every person I've told this to, I tell them, there was a miracle in that ER.

They wheeled him away as my husband and I looked at each other, speechless. Changed. Moved. That of all the people in that waiting room, God told him to pray for me AND my family. God knew what words to give him that would give us comfort.

I've had people "pray for me" before but it was more about them and "how connected to God they were" and "how they expected miraculous healing" the next time they saw me. For this gentleman, it was 100% about delivering a message for me.

I am more of a spiritual person than a religious person. I do identify as Christian, but also as Unitarian, and I have strong feelings for Pagan and Wicca beliefs. I've had more real moments with God in other places than a church. And while I believe that I can find faith inside of me when bad things happen, sometimes God is merciful and gives me something BIG to rock my world a bit and show me He's paying attention.

This was one of those big moments, in the middle of a crowded ER waiting room.

Part of me wants to end there because that, in and of itself, is an amazing story. And part because the rest of the evening, pretty sucky by comparison. But you want to know what happens to my headache right? So, with my spirits lifted by "Angel Dude" as I called him--inspired by a song called Ordinary Angels (I'll post a video at the bottom) I was finally taken to a room with a bed and a light switch that had an OFF switch. I was asleep in minutes (also pretty freaking unusual for me, but that tells you my state of mind was completely different).

I awoke abruptly to Dr. Asshole (which is what I would say every time he left the room and the door closed) coming in and turning all the lights on. Yeah THAT set the mood--oh after the nurse came in and wrote stuff down ON A PAPER TOWEL. I am not kidding.

I asked for the IV therapy for my migraine. "Oh there's no such thing." Huh? I explained that he could call my doctor. He refused. The only thing they could give me was pain medication and anti-nausea medication and HE didn't give narcotics to migraine patients because they just become drug seeking and keep coming back. Oh and the definition of a migraine is a headache that lasts longer than 2 weeks.

My husband looked at him like he had two heads and I wanted to punch him in the nose. I bet my daughter is older than his medical degree. By now it's past midnight.

BUT since I gave him my trusty sheet of allergies and medications and my neuro gives me narcotics, then he would give them to me. Seriously? Suddenly me bringing my own note from home--not signed by any doctor mind you--is my pass to pain relief?

He left the room (asshole). I looked at hubby. "CALL DR. X"

Yes I feel bad we woke up my neuro's partner at midnight but damned if I was going to be accused of being drug seeking when I was NOT HERE FOR PAIN MEDS. Yes no pain would be nice but they will wear off. He told us the magic ingredient is DHE-45. Ok. We tell them.

"OH we don't do that here."

SO WHY THE HELL WAS I SENT HERE???

Resigned, I got an IV inserted (or rather, RAMMED into my arm). Bitch did NOT know how to do an IV. My arm is killing me today. I've had IV's in the back of my hand that didn't make me flinch, so it can be done. Yes I have a tattoo and piercing. IV's gone wrong HURT. "Little pinch" my ass.

Then I got a CT scan, yes I have a brain, no there's nothing abnormal.

Finally I got solumedrol (steroid), zofran (I practially had to beat the asshole over the head--what part of ALLERGIC and TARDIVE DYSKINESIA DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????? as he tried to insist on other anti-nauseas) and godblessamerica, Dilaudid. Wow. It hits you like a ton of bricks and it is amazing to finally, after 30 days NOT FEEL PAIN.

Ok now get this damn IV out of my arm and let me go home. I hated leaving JudoQueen home to babysit JediBoy so late at night but we had no other option. Both of us were starving and tired.

They checked my BP right before I left--a nice, normal 120/85. Proof to me that it's the pain causing my BP to skyrocket.

We sought after an open BK on our way home but alas, all were closed. We got home a little before 3 a.m. Yeah. 8 hours in the ER. CRAZY. I would never go there again. I would never let Dr. Asshole touch my DOG.

My neuro's office couldn't believe they didn't use the IV therapy. Turns out, after talking to a friend in the medical field, hubby found out it is a rather old treatment, rarely used I guess, thanks to most of the newer meds and therefore less-frequent patients with status migraine who don't respond to steroids.

Day 31. I'm not happy about the pain but I'm less stressed about my blood pressure, feeling pretty confident it's not one more chronic to add to my already long list.

Technically it is Saturday--my sleep is so messed up after everything this month, this week. My head does not hurt so that is *good* Maybe the beast is loosening its grip and finally burning out.

If not....we have one week of insurance left. I'm going to try to see my neuro and my regular doc. If we have to do the IV treatment somehow we have to coordinate it at a different hospital, one my neuro does not have privileges at, but my regular doc does. But the IV treatment has risks, ones I need to research. I can't go on in pain. But having to be admitted now is the worst possible timing unless my husband gets hired for another position in the company this week, in which case our insurance would remain unchanged.

But if he does get the job, he will have to travel 2 hrs one way to work. We only have one car, and one me.

Okay. Time to quit thinking and writing because I'm only working myself up with the whatifs.

So I'm going to think about my moment of peace in the ER and leave you with this video. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading.

Ordinary Angels--

Seems like almost every day
Trouble carries us away
And sometimes when we hurt, we all need to be saved
Every time I'm in too deep
Someone always rescues me
It's like heaven's sending down the help that I need
Life's like a chain - sometimes it breaks
We all need a hand when we fall from grace

It could be someone walking down the street
A stranger on a bus
A little kid on his way to school
Or any one of us
We all got a little superman ready to take flight
And save a life, oh save a life
Take a look around and you'll see ordinary angels

The world can make you feel so small
Steal your dreams and make you crawl
And break you 'til you got, you got nothing at all
When you're in that dark place and you need that embrace
You know love is never too far away

It could be a waitress at coffee shop you never saw before
A soldier that's just coming home from fighting in the war
We all got a little superman ready to take flight
And save a life, oh save a life
Take a look around and you'll see ordinary angels

It could be someone walking down the street
A stranger on a bus
A little kid on his way to school
Or any one of us
We all got a little superman ready to take flight
And save a life, oh save a life
Take a look around and you'll see ordinary angels

Prayers for the Headacheslayer Family Please

2011-09-19T22:49:00.000-04:00

Hello dear ones….I wish this came with less somber news but….after 19 years, GoalieMan's company laid him off today. No warning.

The good news: he’s found 3 positions in the company that he more than qualifies for and is applying for. He will be given a decent severance package otherwise. We will still have health insurance, even if it costs more.

I have every faith in my husband—he is an incredible man, father and employee. But obviously this is a shock and pretty scary, considering that Jediboy and I both have health issues. We know things will work out somehow.

What I’d like to ask you, my friends and family, is for your prayers, love and good thoughts—strength for hubby as he searches, and to keep me strong for him and the kids.

If you live near us and know of a job opening IN OUR AREA, please let me know—he’s a Computer Systems Analyst/Database Administrator/Software Engineer (yeah I don’t know what he does either lol). If you know someone looking for a babysitter in our area, my daughter JudoQueen can help out there.

I have my quilting and craft business, so passing along those links (below) to anyone is greatly appreciated. I’m also working on trying to find clients (particularly authors) to do online publicity for, as well as minor website work. Anything that I can do from home would be wonderful.

This page will link you to all my “shops” and things: http://thecraftyangel.blogspot.com

We’re not panicking (me, ok, just a little bit. Ok a lot.). We’re simply getting some gameplans in order. The important thing is WE ARE OK. We will be ok.

Thank you all for being here for me and letting me come to you. I am grateful because you are our greatest source of strength. Just writing this takes a huge load off my shoulders. Bless you!!

Support the Sophie Lancanster Foundation

2011-09-12T11:59:00.005-04:00

Sophie Lancaster was a young, vibrant woman in England who was kicked to death--simply because she looked different. She shielded her boyfriend, saving his life, giving up her own.

Sophie's mother began S.O.P.H.I.E.--Stamp Out Prejudice, Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere. Their goal is to raise money to develop a unique behavioural modification game for school children to teach them about tolerance for those who may be different.

You can support The Foundation directly by going to

S.O.P.H.I.E.

You can also support Sophie by getting beautiful! Go to
Illamasqua to purchase special items or just to donate for the cause.

Please, take the time to watch this short animated film, depicting the last moments of Sophie's short life. It made me cry, because I want my children to grow up in a world, unafraid to be themselves.

RIP Sophie. You are in my heart.

Memories

2011-09-12T04:19:00.001-04:00

It is sobering that we are remembering the 10th anniversary of 9-11. Too many lost, too many still suffering the effects of their invovlement in rescues. Too many lost and damaged from the ongoing war.

My closest involvement with New York was a brief layover in the airport on our way to Vermont. I don't even remember if I saw the Towers that day as we approached. I am now painfully aware anytime I see a view of the NYC skyline, before and after.

That weekend was hellish. I was six months pregnant with JediBoy and had an escalating health scare that made me fear for myself but especially my unborn son (well, we didn't know at that point we were having a boy). What mostly likely started out as a pulled "lady groin" muscle wound up with me in the ER being checked for appendicitis, kidney stones, and finding my right kidney was enlarged and my WBC was elevated. The surgeon who examined the findings agreed with my midwife's initial diagnosis: pulled muscle, exacerbated by pregnancy, and made worse by a shot of demerol that hit a nerve. She was concerned about my WBC and the fact they couldn't see my appendix. She was pretty sure the baby was leaning on my kidney, leading to it being enlarged, so I was instructed to take it easy, take tylenol for the pain, and return for another blood test to be sure the WBC wasn't rising.

The morning of 9-11-01, my 6 yr old JudoGirl was off at school. Hubby was a few hours away at the main site for his job, a major defense company. My mom, hearing about the weekend, came to help me out for the day. I had no specific appointment time for the re-test, so I flipped on the television, right after the first plane hit.

I was horrified and couldn't stop watching. What a terrible tragedy! And as I'm telling my mom things while she was doing laundry in the next room, the second plane hit. That's when we became acutely aware that this day, something was terribly, terribly wrong.

Somehow I managed to get ready to go to the hospital, just a 20 minute drive. No sooner was I in the car, the third plane hit the Pentagon. I ran back into the house, hysterical. My mom couldn't believe what I was telling her until it hit the news. I was so unhinged, my mom offered to drive but I wound up going, I think I was growing more numb by the moment.

As I listened to the nonstop broadcast on the radio, rumors flew, but this I knew--Bush was in Florida, about 90 minutes away, and that terrified me. For if someone was targeting us, surely the President of the United States had to be a target.

Along with every single patient, and staff in the waiting room, we watched the news. We said things out loud, but no one could comprehend, too locked in their own shock and fear.

And then the towers fell. I can't even describe what that was to watch, as I'm sure any of you who did see that can understand. This could not be real. Planes didn't crash into buildings, into the Pentagon, into a field in Pennsylvania. Skyscrapers didn't tumble like child's blocks, creating clouds of smoke and ash that wiped out any visibility. That only happened in movies like Independence Day.

I remember them showing Bush, telling that he was leaving. I remember blurting out in fear "Get him the hell out of our state" thinking maybe, just maybe, we would be safe.

When I returned home...I'm sure I don't remember even driving there....I walked in and saw my mom.

"The Towers are gone." She looked at me, blinked, shook her head. She couldn't comprehend what I was telling her.

"They're gone. They both collapsed. They're gone."

We sat and watched the news in silence. All I wanted was to run to school and grab my daughter, and beg my husband to come home. Somehow my mom convinced me not to, insisting that they would both be safe. Little did I know they were showing my 6yr old the news and she was terrified, thinking terrorists were going to come into her school and kill them. She was too young to understand the specifics, only that our country was in danger. I was livid when I found out.

When I heard my husband's car roll into the drive that evening, I raced out to him, and sobbed against him in the driveway. My family was home but were we safe? Would there be more attacks? Was this the end of the world? What did this mean for my unborn baby?

Along with the rest of our country, and the world, I stumbled along for a long time in a numb state of shock and sorrow. I couldn't sleep without a nightmare I had long before that fateful day--of planes crashing on our house, in our yard, and trying to get away from the inferno safely.

Our area has an air show each spring. Every time a plane flew overhead, I had a panic attack. To this day, I still can't listen to an airplane with a little shudder. I have flown--and was near tears the day my now 16yo old took her first solo flight to visit my sister. I don't feel afraid to fly.

It's hard to watch any of the news. For the kids' sake, TVs were left off today. What little news I watched tonight was mercifully free of images from that day. With our anniversary on the 5th, it has forever been overcast with the upcoming memorials each year.

I've never written about that day. There are so many stories out there, survivors, families of victims, documentaries of those still alive but forgotten by the system (the film Sicko by Michael Moore is a fine example and very sobering). But it just seemed right to share mine, as benign as it may be. I didn't lose a loved one that day. I didn't even know anyone who died. But it is one of the most defining moments in my life in history, much as our parents who can't remember what they had for breakfast, but can tell you with every detail the day JFK was killed.

For all those who serve in every aspect of public safety, I thank you for the risks you take to keep us safe and free from further attacks. For those who were lost, my hearts go out to the families and friends.

We live in an uncertain age but the only silver lining is knowing we are in it together. The world may be large, but from that day on, it has shown how united we can be against the tragedies that befall our brothers and sisters.

God Bless you, and God Bless the United States.

Kids, don't try this at home....

2011-09-10T07:58:00.000-04:00

Last week, my neurologist called in a script for a Medrol pack for my status migraine (Medrol is a steroid taper pack; you take 6 pills the first day, 5 the next, etc). I finished the pack Sunday, the 4th.

As of Thursday I still had a migraine. So they fit me in on Friday--I *love* my neurologist. He is such a great doctor and a really caring one at that. He is not only concerned about my headaches, he checks in on how family life is going. He knows, I believe, how Complex Migraine Disease can really impact your life, and that of your family.

Let me preface what happened by saying--this was a BAD WEEK. Monday night (our anniversary), JQ broke up with her bf. Sigh. He really wasn't paying any attention to her, no emails, too busy with friends, etc. She knew she deserved better and ended it. But her dear heart was broken. We spent the next few days on a roller coaster of emotions, culminating in her wanting to sleep in my bed Thursday night. That sound? My heart breaking too.

I didn't get but 3 hrs of sleep watching over her, culminating in a tearful prayer after she got up for school. NOW the good news she is like almost back to normal, she came home that day looking like her old self. Whew.

But me? Color me shocked when they took my blood pressure and it was off the charts for me. Normal for me is like 120's over 70's to low 80's. ALWAYS. EVERY TIME. Except for Friday. 140 over 115. HOLY CRAPSHITHELL.

My BP was slightly elevated at the rheumatologists 2 weeks ago but again, we chalked it up to 2 days of a migraine and not enough sleep. With my neuro, who was definitely concerned but not alarmed enough to send me to the hospital, I explained our week.

Migraine (day 18 at that point). Daughter Drama. Sleep Issues.

He was reluctant to prescribe more steroids but at this point, it may be the only thing other than hospitalization to get rid of it. My last status migraine was 2 years ago, around this time. But since he knows I have an attentive husband who can watch for any alarming issues, and the fact I see the other neurologist next week to discuss Botox, he went ahead with the prescription. And told me to make sure I get rest.

He did check my eyes for any swelling that could indicate a similar condition, pseudotumor cerebrei. Basically no brain tumor but similar symptoms. No swelling. Good. I'll discuss it further with the other neuro--which may mean a lumbar puncture. Joy.

That is, if the blood pressure issue doesn't take center stage first.

In any case, by the time my husband picked up my steroids--NOT a medrol pack, individual pills-it was evening. Here's where I screwed up BIG TIME.

*DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME*

I cannot even emphasise it enough. Seriously. Dude. DON'T DO THIS.

I took all 3 pills at once, instead of separating the doses.

Now, the medrol pack tells you that you CAN do this the first day just to get the meds going. But the pills in that pack are 4mg each. So, 24mg of prednisone.

Yeah. I just blithely took 60mg of prednisone. *stupidstupidstupid*

You know why? Because I woke up around 2 a.m. My head hurt (duh) and I woke my husband to help me get my pain meds (annoying yes and I feel bad but he's my "safety system" when it comes to taking my pain meds--and I'm glad I did).

I decided I needed to go to the bathroom first. All of a sudden I felt REALLY weird. Faint/dizzy/weak like I was going to pass out. Hubby helped me stand and the feeling sort of passed but then it got REALLY TRULY WEIRD.

Did you know, if you take too many steroids at once, you will trip out like you're on some kind of illegal drug? Me neither.

I felt like I was having an out of body experience. And then I began laughing at everything. Yes, I was cackling "FULL ON DOUBLE RAINBOW" at the top of my lungs.

Video for Reference:

And then I would stop laughing and say things like "oh look how pretty the blue towel is. Whoa, it's really blue."

"Willow. Willow. Willllllllloooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

Yes, only I could get stoned on steroids. *facepalm* I'm not the medical zebra for nothing.

I give my husband credit for 3 things: Staying calm, checking me carefully for signs of a stroke, and not taking a video of me to put on Youtube.

After sitting back on the bed (most of this hilarity was in the bathroom) and resting a bit, I started to feel more like myself. I went thru a brief paranoia stage because my head was hurting, like rays of electricity shooting down my spine. And my heart was thumping a bit.

The other stuff, holy cats, it feels like a bizarre dream I had a few days ago. Unreal.

Now....to lock up my steroids. That stuff is potent shit, let me tell you.

I've suddenly got the munchies.....

19

2011-09-05T18:46:00.000-04:00

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 19th wedding anniversary. We met the day before our Freshman year started at UCF, at an Honors Department picnic. A month later, we began dating. By the end of the semester, we knew we wanted to get married. 3 1/2 years later, we did, almost to the very day of our first date.

My gift to him was, appropriately, a UCF tie, and a Tampa Bay Lightning tie. The theme: to tell him I'd "tie the knot" all over again. Yeah he likes my puns.

For 16 of our 19 years, I've been ill. That's a hell of a way to test that "in sickness and in health" part of our vows. But he has done just that, transitioning seamlessly through the days, weeks and years of husband, father, and also caregiver. I think it's harder on him than on me, but sometimes I think he would disagree.

As a tribute, here are photos of us (and our family) through the years.

I love you baby.

Sept 5, 1992--just 22, we were babies!

a night at the opera

Margaritaville, NOLA 2008

Jaylen's Challenge Fundraiser, 2011

Cruise, 2005, a day in Key West

My Goalieman, playing roller hockey

one of the few formal photos we have of just us 2

Christmas, 2000--JudoQueen is 5

Christmas, 2007....Judoqueen is 12, JediBoy is 5....Go Lightning!

Another year, another family photo....

Christmas 2001, me and my JediBoy Baby Bump!

JediBoy's Baptism, his proud "Sponsor" (aka "Godmother")

The Beginning of School: Mama Brag edition

2011-09-01T07:24:00.000-04:00

Yes I love my kids, and secretly I do think my kids are better than others sometimes. Well, I guess not-so-secretly now. But growing up when, no matter how hard I busted my ass, it never seemed good enough, I let my kids know when I think they've done something above and beyond awesome. I don't believe in falsly inflating their egos: I'll leave that the the parents of the majority of applicants of American Idol. (Really, is America THAT TONE DEAF???)

I do let me kids know when they've disappointed me--or not worked up to their potential. I let them know when they've screwed up or done something dumb. It's all about balance.

JudoQueen, now 16, sometimes accuses me of "lying" when I praise her. That's when I get pissed and tell her in not so many words that I WILL NOT lie to her just to boost her mood. That I am genuine with my praise, just as I am genuine when she's in the doghouse. I know it's the teen in her that doubts. But I also know she does have a pretty good sense of self that overrides the crap that society tries to feed her.

Here's an overview of MY AWESOME KIDS.......

JediBoy just started 4th grade (9 1/2...yes the half is important!). After a bit of a rocky end to last school year (all A's and a few B's went to a few A's, some B's and C's) we're all a little tense. He is still in gifted (reading/math) and we're hoping a little time and maturity will make this year a bit better. His best friend is in gifted with him, so that's a bonus.

His biggest problem--organization. He will do the work and then not turn it in. Also, staying focused. His brain works so darn fast it affects his concentration. The idea of having him privately tested for any type of learning disorder or anxiety is still tucked into my head. It's not unusual for gifted kids to also have ADD or Anxiety. I *know* he has inherited the anxiety from me. And the boy is smart (IQ is 150-154, he qualifies for Mensa). So I don't see a reason for him to be getting C's. That's just not ok in our family--barring any medical reason. I know it's not his best.

Even if he tests for ADD, we will still need to work on issues so that he CAN do better than average. If this sounds harsh, so be it. It's not like he gets lashed or has to sleep outside. He doesn't even get a lecture. We note it, talk about it, then it's done and we work towards the next 9 weeks.

He's doing so much better in Judo--I tell you, that half-year has always made a huge difference in my kids' maturity levels. We did cut back on tournaments due to summer plans--a trip to the beach to watch the last shuttle launch was way more important than another judo tourney! But he's starting to find some consistency and doing better.

He's the social butterfly of the neighborhood--most of his friends are his age or younger and they flock here every day. This did cause one problem--a big one--when one of them brought a lighter over and my son had his very first pyro moment. He took a box of matches and went to town. Thank GOD no one got hurt and nothing was damaged. The offender was banned (this was not the first time he's broken rules here) and my son was severely punished. I made him look through a burn victim's blog and photos. It was gruesome. It was nauseating. And it worked.

Of course he did flit off one day without letting us know and for a frantic 30 minutes we searched for him. He was only a street away--but still needs to be reminded to tell us where he's going. There's heavy construction going on around our neighborhood and lots of cars coming thru due to detours.

Yes, this is why my hair is going white and I am losing my hair.

(Um where is the awesomeness? getting to that)

I was heartbroken when he didn't get into a special medical camp. They don't have a session for kids with food allergies so that is my goal this year--to campaign for one. However he did spend some magical time at my parents' house, playing with his nearly 2yr old cousin PoohBear, swimming, and even learning how to shoot--using a Red Ryder BB Gun. And he didn't shoot his eye out. My dad was quite impressed at his natural talent. He definitely has the boy gene!

After returning home from one week, he informed me that he and his friends were going to start running lemonade stands. Wondering what in the world he was raising money for, he answered: To raise money so that I can adopt a pug.

Yes, I cried.

He knew that with school and judo, I spend a lot of time alone, and he knew that a pug would keep me company. Don't get me wrong, Willow is an awesome dog. But she's rather random with her affection. I need a constant shadow. I was so very touched by my son's loving heart and generosity. Even at 9 1/2, he loves to hug, kiss and cuddle. He prays for whatever is bothering me. He loves to nap in my bed, bring me ice packs, whatever.

His newfound love of herpetology (study of reptiles and amphibians) means a room redecoration is in order. Gone will be the room decor he's had for many years, of trucks, trains, airplanes, the little "road" painted around the middle of his room. It will become many shades of green to mimic a rainforest, complete with life-size photograph decals that are sure to make his grandma jump with fright. No more Cars curtains or rainbow colored tent over his bunkbead--he's trading those for herpetology-themed fabric for his windows and camoflage for the tent. Boy heaven.

His health is better than average. Though his latest allergy results were disappointing, he still handles his food allergies and asthma in stride. He thinks nothing of wearing his medic alert bracelet or tucking his epi-pack into his pocket every day for school.

However, his immune responses have climbed. Normal IgE should be under 300. His went from under 3000, to 3500. I am not too upset--at 3 yrs old it was over 5 thousand. His eosinophils were also elevated. His allergist said that by all rights, his eczema should be back, or his asthma out of control, and it's neither. So he's having a retest of his eosinophils--most likely it's because his IgE is so high (rarely it's a sign of cancer). Thankfully though, he doesn't seem to suffer the same problems that most people with Hyper IgE Syndrome, or Eosinophilia seem to have. THAT is a relief.

We are thrilled that his doctor has finally agreed to begin screatch testing on his allergy foods of dairy, eggs and shellfish. His allergist is very conservative where peanuts are concerned so right now, since we know for a fact that he is ana to peanuts, we may only test him for tree nuts and avoid peanuts. We'll see.

JudoQueen, now 16 and a JUNIOR in High School *faint*, had a busy and interesting summer. Along with becoming Nationally ranked in Judo and earning more medals than I can count, she discovered a new passion--gardening. As a part of her graduation requirements, she needed to find a community service project. After trying her hand at the city nursery, she found her niche. Not to mention she brings home several lovely plants each time as a reward for her hard work. Budget cuts has meant they need to rely on volunteers so they love her working there, and she does so enthusiastically, even in the FL heat.

The hardest part of summer was her boyfriend's start of college. They've been dating for 2 1/2 years, had a lovely time at his Senior prom (she was a knockout!) and have spent as much time together as they could. Thankfully he's in-state, and most of his trips home have meant a scurry of plans to go out. I can't say enough nice things about him either. He's the perfect boyfriend for my daughter, and that's saying ALOT.

Thankfully she was very busy, and with Skype, they really don't miss each other too much. Since they attended 2 different high schools, it's not that drastic of a change in their relationship.

Her exciting adventure was flying out to Texas to stay with my younger sister, a doctor and pathologist at a prestigious cancer center. Since she wants to become a neuroscientist, this was a dream week for her. She shadowed my sister, a neuropathologist, a radiologist, and even sat in on an autopsy of 3 brains (one attended by the medical examiner due to the legal issue of potential shaken baby syndrome). The week culminated with a dinner with my sister's boss--who offered my daughter an internship next summer. We were floored and thrilled. So few girls go into science, so they fawned over JQ in encouragement. It will be hard for her to be gone for a longer period of time--and there will be things like college and scholarship applications needing to be done, tours to be had--but we're going to make it work if we can. It's an opportunity of a lifetime for her!

Her rank in school (#10 at an International Baccalaureat HS), plus her grades, PSAT test and AP score (5/5 in AP World History--a class that was ranked first in the *world* several years ago) have brought an onslaught of college mail. She was courted at a national tournament by the assistant Judo coach for San Jose State; he was impressed by her moves AND her grades. (I make an awesome sports agent--look out Jerry Maguire!) And even though she's planning on staying in-state--the same college her boyfriend is going to (coincidence, as they have an incredible neuroscience program), and has NO plans to go into the military--we were all awed when she got a letter from West Point. She's keeping that in her "brag stash".

Thinking about her classes this year make my head hurt. 5 AP, 2 IB classes. She's giddy. She got everything she wanted, including Art, another newfound passion for her. And as if that weren't enough to keep her busy, she's still doing Judo 3 nights a week (her classes prevented her from taking during the day from adjoined military academy as she has done for 2 years). Plus she's helping to revamp the art club, joined the epicurian club (appropriately meets at lunch), and will get to compete on the Academic Varsity team this year. She hopes the art club leadership will help her get into Honor Society--I know, hard to believe, but leadership was the one thing she lacked. Interestingly enough, leadership is her brother's strong suit. Her love of cooking has led to some amazing dinners around here. She's even planning to make creme brulee for our anniversary next week.

She also has to develop and enact a 2 year community service project to earn her IB diploma--a much coveted award. She'll official be pinned this year as a symbol of her entry into the IB program. The first 2 years are really to see if you have what it takes. The class of 2013 began at over 90 students--it has dropped to close to 70. It really is a tough program and although I would have loved to have attended a school where Geek is a sought-after title, it really floors me how she manages to juggle it all, and with such joy.

She will be taking the ACT and SAT next month--the SAT will not be a surprise, since she took it back in 7th grade as a part of Duke University's Talent Identification Program (she earned a score that won her a state medal). She even gets "SAT question of the day" emailed to her.

She's also started a grassroots FB page on religious tolerance. Just because. Yes, my daughter is who I want to be when I grow up ;) I would have totally idolized and been simultaneously been jealous. Her sense of style--eclectic with an edge of hippy/bohemian, her refusal to do the "popular" things, rather find the things she loves, her self-assuredness......they impress me every day.

I don't know how in the world I deserved to be blessed by two amazing kids. They never cease to teach me, make me laugh, make me proud. They do contribute to my stress and whitening/thinning hair, to be sure. But the good always, always outweighs the bad. Being disabled, I feel so unworthy of them. I'm not even close to being the mother I want to be for them. And time is flying far too fast. I remember my high school days vividly...and in 2 years my baby will leave the nest.

You'll have to forgive me if I go on so much about my kids. They are such a source of joy and pride for me, of comfort and love, of acceptance and care. I wouldn't be half the person I am without them. I don't know I would have survived the past 16 yrs with out them. As much as I love it when they go to my parents for a week, I'm always glad to have them home. They look older, somehow, in those short few days.

I'm sad to see Summer over. It was fun, but too short. We didn't do half the things I wanted to due to my chronics. And though I do enjoy the new quiet around here during the school day, I love it when they get home, pile into bed and tell me about their day.

The Status of The Slayer

2011-08-31T01:39:00.000-04:00

Things are nowhere near "stable" where my chronics are concerned. Here's a rundown:

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Fibromyalgia (Dx 1995)....Still tired. Though some days I will be up for 36 hrs straight and not feel sleepy. If I'm not careful and MAKE myself sleep (aka knock myself out with meds) then things go downhill fast.

My fibro pain is still....there. The vicodin keeps it mostly in check so that I'm not writhing in pain all the time. My cognitive issues (fibro fog) have been bad. I can ask my husband to do something for me, he'll step out of the room and poof....I don't know why he left. Words, letters & numbers have been jumbly.

Chronic Daily Headache (dx 2004)....of my chronics, I think this one affects me the least. Yes, I still pretty much have a headache every day, all day. But the vicodin/ativan combo keep it to a dull roar.

Psoriatic Arthritis/Ankylosing Spondylitis (Dx 2010)....after a good trial of methotrexate, I finally had to stop a few months ago. Between the headaches (awful), the nausea (thank god for zofran) and my hair coming out (I am really thinning out around my crown *sniffle*) it just wasn't worth the side effects to keep on it. After a few months off, to see if the med was helping at all, I determined OH HELL YES IT WAS.

My hips and back are very bad. I can literally stand for maybe 5 minutes before I'm ready to collapse. Walking more than down a hallway is too much and I need my wheelchair. I am finally using the word "disabled" without cringing all the time.

My rheumatologist has started me on Enbrel autoinject, once a week. Even though there is a headache risk, the medication has a short half-life. Because I get sick alot and am allergic to most antibiotics, this was an important factor in our decision to go with Enbrel.

I was worried about two things--were we going to be able to afford it; and how bad was this going to hurt? My son has an epipen for his anaphylactic food allergies and the tester HURT. And I'm supposed to give myself a shot in the stomach? WTH?

Well, the company that makes Enbrel took care of my first worry--*they* initiated the call to put me on the Enbrel Assistance Program. Usually we don't qualify for anything--but they are covering the first 6 months 100%. FREE. After that, it will cost us $10. THAT'S IT. This is a med that can cost well over $25,000 a year out of pocket. I literally cried on the phone with the woman taking my info. Plus I got my own "medical swag" bag--a refrigerated bag, sharps container, calendar, booklet of info, travel bag with instructions for how to deal with airline security.

I may snark at Big Pharma, but really, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this program. Between my other meds and the meds my son is on, we are on a first name basis with the local pharmacy.

I went to my Rheumatology appt. last week, first dose with me, so she could show us how to do it. I say "us" because in the past, hubby has always given me my shots. Yes I have a tattoo. Yes I am afraid of needles. I am a walking conundrum.

She insisted this was no big deal and that I could do it. My thumb was too weak to push the button (I've had wicked thumb twitching going on for weeks now) so she did wind up doing it, and......it DID NOT HURT. Not a tiny bit. I was thrilled!

I was hoping I could tough this out because I figured if my son could see ME getting the shot every week, it might make him less fearful of getting his shot (he's never had to have one thank god) OR of having to self-administer in case of emergency. Yes I'm going to let him give me the shot! He was proud of me :)

And that leaves me with.....Complex Migraine Disease (Dx 2004). I decided it was time for a break from the depakote. Sure enough, no change. Maybe it did help in the very beginning (we think 2-3 years ago). It sure did make me gain a LOT of weight. And we realized made me VERY sleepy--I stopped "needing a nap" every single day.

When I visited my Neurologist, he wasn't unhappy that I had taken myself off. But that left me with.....nothing. Nothing except my rescue dilaudid to keep me out of the ER. We decided that the next step was trying Botox. Yes, the same kind that erase wrinkles. Only mine will be diluted, and injected into my neck as well as across my forehead. I see the doctor in 2 weeks. Downside, it can take 3-4 treatments to see improvement. And you have a treatment every 12 weeks. Do the math : /

But there is a glimmer of hope....I was contacted by the owner of a company who wants me to try a rather new product that I hope will PREVENT, REDUCE and perhaps even ELIMINATE some or all of my migraines. NATURALLY. I know, sounds too good to be true, right? I would have thought so as well except I'd been following this research for a few years. I expect the products this week and will post as soon as I can after giving it some time to form a good opinion.

It can't come too soon--I'm in the midst of a status migraine--a migraine that lasts longer than 3 days/72 hrs. Entering day 8. My Neuro called in steroids that will hopefully knock it out. I have about 3 episodes a year. My longest migraine I can recall was 16 days. It IS bad but after about 4 or 5 days it settles down a bit so that it's painful but you don't want to shove a spike thru your head every moment. Lots of dark room, lots of ice packs, lots of meds.

FYI I do not drive anymore. I hate that. But it's safer all around, between my meds and my pain/fatigue. Still sucks though.

If you haven't checked it out yet, I've started a new hobby--nailpolish. Hush, it's fun. And I consider it art on a wee tiny scale LOL Plus I'm "meeting" really cool people on the internet from all over the world. Head over to
Manicured Slayer
for all my polish (and soon) beauty reviews!

So, that's where I ~~stand~~ ~~sit~~ lie down on my chronics. Many of my "bad anniversaries" are coming up. CFS/FMS 16 yrs; CDH/CMD 7 yrs; PsA/AS 1 yr. At least I love my dream team of docs.

Coming up--a MUCH BETTER anniversary of different sorts! MINE! :) Stay tuned....

Something to Sing About???

2011-08-23T06:23:00.000-04:00

I am SO. EXCITED. I've been contacted by the owner of a company who wants me to try out their products that hopefully will reduce or eliminate my migraines NATURALLY.

I am truly giddy, and I'm very optimistic based on research. Since I'm at the end of my medication rope--more on that in another post--this could literally be a Godsend.

Stay tuned and cross your fingers!!

One easy click can help families!!

2011-08-17T02:08:00.000-04:00

Way too many families are denied their right to BE a family in every sense of the word--because of ignorance and bigotry. EVERYONE deserves the right to love who they choose and be a family.

ONE easy click can help GLBT families earn the rights they deserve.

After all, it's not FREEDOM unless EVERYONE is free.

The Manicured Slayer: Slaying My Blues without Chipping a Nail

2011-07-24T09:42:00.000-04:00

The Manicured Slayer: Slaying My Blues without Chipping a Nail

I'd like to introduce my new "baby"--my Nail Polish blog! It's fun and frivilous but who doesn't love pretty nails? Come say hello :)

PLEASE Watch, help and repost!

2011-06-30T00:02:00.000-04:00

Jaylen is an amazing young man and is asking for YOUR HELP for his friend who was struck by a drunk driver. Please repost and help if you can.

Key Players In Casey Anthony Trial Day 36 - Photos - WFTV Orlando

2011-06-23T09:42:00.001-04:00

Key Players In Casey Anthony Trial Day 36 - Photos - WFTV Orlando

Check out picture 5--I'm wearing a bright blue top, holding a notebook. We are waiting for the jury to come in.

Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song [Official Video]

2011-06-05T21:03:00.000-04:00

BEST SONG EVAH for a HeadacheSlayer! I declare this the Spoonie International Anthem!

Friend Making Monday with All The Weigh

2011-05-16T07:36:00.000-04:00

I'm delighted to have found an awesome blog by Kenz, who has lost over 100lbs in her weight loss journey. She celebrates Mondays by asking a question. If you want to participate, post on your blog, link back here (and over on All the Weigh )

What makes you awesome? List at least five qualities/hobbies/habits make you cool and unique?

1. I *love* to sing the National Anthem at sporting events! I've sung for our local hockey team (see "Oh Say Can you Whoops" in m archives!), an indoor arena football team, and am FINALLY going to audition for the Tampa Bay Lightning! (Who are in the NHL East Coast Division Stanley Cup Finals and whooped Boston's butt 5-2 in game 1....but I digress). I can also sing O Canada but haven't had the opportunity to do so. Yet ;)

2. Because/in spite of my Goddess size, I adore wearing bright colors--the more eclectic, the better. I HATE wearing plain black. Wearing clothes like that put a smile on my face--and others'. I usually get compliments. Who says the skinny girls get to wear all the fun clothes?

3. My "crafty ways"--I love quilting, knitting, jewelry making, drawing, writing, photography....eventually I hope this will pay off, but at least I love what I do. Getting to see my work on Goodreads (as a book reviewer), Etsy & Zazzle (my stores) and as gifts really feels great!

4. I love all creature great and small :) Currently we have one dog (Malinois/Retriever/Whippett mix) and 3 fish (1 plecostamous and 2 candy parrotfish). I hope to get a pug soon and possibly a Newfoundland. I grew up with dogs, cats, goats, a pig, birds, turtles, rabbit, guinea pig....so I really would love to get land and have my own little zoo. My dream would be wildlife rehab, but with my chronics, that's just not in the cards. I love snorkeling, going to zoos, farms.....I am drawn to all of them!

5. I have a tattoo--it's for my kids in judo, in Japanese Kanji. I also have my nose pierced. I can't wait to get more tattoos and more piercings. I know that it's no longer seen as a rare thing anymore but I love looking at my tattoo as art. I'm not doing it for the shock factor, I do it for me. I just wish I could do tattoos, that would be a really cool job!

Thanks again Kenz--you rock :)

Incredible Moment in History!

2011-05-02T00:09:00.002-04:00

Now...it may not be the most majestic rendering of the Anthem, but it brought tears to my eyes.

Well done, USA troops, well done, President Obama!

NO ONE deserves this.....

2011-04-26T11:55:00.000-04:00

My heart was broken and I sobbed watching this extremely violent video. I don't care what your political or religious views are, NO ONE should be beaten until they wind up in a Grand Mal seizure. I am not begging you to sign this petition as a bisexual woman who is part of the GLBT community, but as a human being.

I could barely stand to watch the video....and I know in my heart I would not have been able to stand by and watch this happen, let alone make horrible comments like the employee making this video. I am proud of those who did try to help her but not enough was done.

You CAN make a difference.

Petitions by Change.org|Start a Petition »

He's NINE!

2011-01-22T12:58:00.000-05:00

I have no idea how my little boy is 9. The last year of a single-digit age.

He stayed up til midnight just so we could say Happy Birthday to him LOL. He's at the local arcade with his dad, best friend, sister and ABF (adorable boyfriend) playing laser tag, putt putt golf and video games. A 9 year old's paradise. Later I'll join them at dinner for all you can eat pizza at Cici's--they are wonderful to him, making special pizzas that are allergy-free. JudoQueen made him special cupcakes in lieu of a cake.

It's hard to belive that little bundle who was born at home (on purpose) is now this long-legged energy filled boy. He's smart, amazing, and still loves to cuddle with me in bed, kissing my head when I have a migraine, saying bedtime prayers, even napping with me. I hope those days don't end any time soon.

Happy birthday my beloved Jedi Boy. Mommy loves you to the universe and back.

Meet our new family member! UPDATED

2011-01-09T12:26:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the Slayer Family, Ratatouille, aka Tooey!

She is a common rat, and we are fairly sure she is blind. She's 8 inches long, and so is her tail! We found her just walking around the house, like "Hi, hi there, how you doin?" and the 2nd night I caught her without a fuss.

She is as sweet as can be, very docile and gentle, lets me pet her (but hates it when I pick her up by her scruff).

At first hubby was like "Well, we shouldn't interfere with nature and just let her go."

My response: "What woman who is NOT your wife are you saying that to?" I always wanted to do wildlife rehabilitation but because of my chronics I can't do it on the large scale I wanted to.

I am in love with this furry gal. She is so cute, her little ears are like leaf buds just opening, tender and wrinkly. Her eyes look fine but we've seen enough of her behaviour to know that either she's blind or has worse vision than a rat normally would. Beautiful whiskers and WOW what a long tail!

The kids are absolutely fascinated and JudoQueen is over the moon to keep her in her room. She was all set in a lovely cage but even though the pet store guy assured Judoman it was a rat cage--she got out. She walked right to my voice (none too pleased with the scruff thing again) and is chilling out in her makeshift home until a newer, smaller bar cage can be found.

The kids stayed up late last night, delighted with watching her--drinking her water bottle, nibbling her corn, crawling on top of her box and snuggling with her blanket. She is pretty cool to watch and her fur is so, so soft.

Most people probably think I'm nuts but I think she came to me for a reason. I love most animals, great and small, and I believe a kindness done to a small creature in need does not go unnoticed.

I think it's a lovely, unexpected way to end a year and begin a new one--with kindness and a new critter.

*UPDATE*

Whatever issues Tooey had--dehydration, hunger, JM even suggested a concussion--we helped keep her warm, safe and fed until she healed.

Over the past week, she had grown increasingly frantic in her cage at night. Trying to get her out of her cage to clean it was becoming near impossibly--and yesterday she nipped me. Didn't break the skin, thank goodness, but it was a clear warning: BACK OFF.

This was not the same rat who wandered into our room, and let me hold her, docile as could be.

A very tearful decision was made to set her free. JediBoy and I cried buckets (I'm tearing up typing this now). JM knew a place far enough away she wouldn't find her way back, and a place that a rat would be very happy, a lovely field with trees.

I told her I loved her and said a prayer she would be okay. She certainly was NOT acting like she was blind anymore and had plenty of spunk to care for herself.

JM took the kids, and they set out. It took her a minute, then she was gone in a flash--no leisurely walking like she'd done in our room. They left her corn cob, some food and her little cardboard box just in case.

JB and I continued to cry. JudoQueen and I comforted him, assuring him when the time was right, we'd let them each get a pet rat--one that would let them hold and pet and be friendly. I'm hoping to find rescue rats, or ones that have been hand raised so they will, indeed, be very sweet. I cared for a rat in middle school and loved holding him--he loved to be held as well. I'm not keen on buying a rat from a pet store so we'll see.

Thoroughly worn out, having given myself a migraine from crying so hard, I turned in early. JudoMan, never one for "I told you so" came to comfort me. He told me to look at it this way--I always wanted to do wildlife rehabilitation, and I just did. I took a wild creature in who needed care, kept her safe and loved until she was well, and then released her into the wild where she belonged. Where she could be free and have a rat family. What felt like a failure on my part, my husband assured me this was a success.

I'll always love you Tooey. Thank you for giving me a chance to care for you and even with tears, set you free where you belong.

Dilemma: Thing 1 and Thing 2 UPDATED

2011-01-07T03:33:00.055-05:00

(Update below)

Today we, as parents, were hit by a dilemma from both kids. Damn. I need that handbook STAT.

JediBoy: 3rd grade, will be 9 near the end of this month. Until he has his scratch testing, we must assume he is still deathly allergic to all nuts, eggs, dairy and shellfish. He MUST have an epipen with him at all times. Someone has to know how to use it, as well as what signs to look for (confusion is not uncommon with anaphylaxis, so trusting a 9 yr old to know what to do, not really a good idea).

He got asked to a sleepover by a friend that he talks to on the phone. Not sure if they are in the same class, but they are definitely very close friends. He's never been on a sleepover except with family.

When we said that not only did his sister have a judo tournament that day (down in S. FL) but we didn't think he could go because of his allergies, he had a very understandable melt-down.

You have to understand. He *never* complains about his allergies and what he can or can't have. If he's at school and the rest of the kids are having ice cream, he's having a Popsicle. It's not very hard to find things he can have (you'd be surprised) but we're pros at reading labels. We've lived with this for 6 years, since the day he had his first anaphylactic reaction to peanut butter at age 3. He has since only had one other that required a trip to the ER.

School is GREAT handling his allergies--but we also know that it is a huge responsibility to ask someone else to take on. Therefore, we told JB this--it would still depend on the tournament, but if we were to meet with the boy's parents, show them how to use the epi (there is a trainer that works just like it) and send all food over plus give them all the info they needed--he could sleep over.

I am scared to death. I don't want to raise my son in a bubble. But we don't know the parents. One bite of the wrong thing and he could die, literally in minutes.

Comment away.

Dilemma 2: Judo Queen, age 15, will be 16 in March, has been taking Judo for 3 1/2 yrs with the same Sensei.

She wants to switch judo schools to the coach who teaches her at school. Because his evening classes are the same nights as our dojo, it would mean both kids would have to go. Hubby has volunteered heavily with the new/younger judoka ever since their coach left. Friday nights, they could still attend, if things weren't too weird. She also said she'd go to class if for some reason there was no class with Coach B.

We LOVE their Sensei. He is like family. He came with us to Georgia for the Jr. Olympics and we had a blast. He has nurtured JQ so very much, JB too though he is still young (he's been taking a few months longer than JQ). He knew--as did I--that JQ could go on to train for the Olympics if she wanted to (she has decided against it). But International tournaments may not be out of the question.

Being a Joshi (girl) and one of the few older students, she's been fighting juniors and seniors (over 17). She works with adults in the class after hers, though it is sparse as well. Most of the time, there are 1, maybe 2 other students besides her dad to randori (fight) with (another being her boyfriend who will be going off to college in the fall).

Ever since she began taking judo at school (3 days a week on top of the 3 evenings a week at our dojo) she has improved incredibly. I watched in amazement as he fought 8 times in about an hour, surprised she wasn't sweating blood. She won Grand Champion in the school intramural tournament. And she has repeatedly said how much she loves Coach B. I could see him pushing her to her very best which is what she craves (and who knows maybe she'd feel more confident about the Olympics).

Tonight she came home from judo with her Sensei and started crying. She tells me she wants to switch, she doesn't feel prepared for next week's tournament and she wants very badly to do a national tournament in Ohio this summer. She's never said this before, it's always been "I wish..". When we've told her she could, she always thought of the others in the class--the kids she helps, and her Sensei whom she loves.

So tomorrow I have encouraged her to talk to Coach B at school, and Sensei tomorrow night, with her father to back her up. It will be hard, and she's upset, but I said staying to avoid hurting someone wasn't a good reason. Honestly I think both kids will flourish under Coach B (JB wants to compete in Ohio too).

The only thing that gives me any comfort, is that when we were leaving the hotel in Georgia, Sensei looked at me and said whatever we did, don't ever send her to Coach X (who had been a coach when the kids first started...yeah hell would freeze over first. He is not a very nice person). He knew she would be starting judo at school, he and Coach B had discussed the logistics of who she would fight for (ie the school tournament, she fought for her school). Sensei actually taught Coach B, who was an alternate twice for the Olympics for Team USA.

It's a decision I've struggled with as I've watched her frustration. Tonight, as teary as we were, I knew I needed to do what was right for my daughter and tell her it was okay to switch.

Yegods that's going to lead to dilemma 3....telling Jediboy, as he has friends in the class.*whimper*

Comment, be kind, rewind.

***UPDATE 1/10/11***

Right after I wrote this, I got a call. The sleepover was going to be Saturday. As in this past weekend, NOT the next. PANIC! I didn't know how we could make this work, but I was going to try dammit! So I asked the boy to have his mom call me that night. Obviously, getting to meet them WELL before the sleepover, not possible. So my plan was to talk to the mom, have hub show her the epi when he took JB over--if the phonecall went well.

JediBoy did indeed go to his best friend's house for a sleepover! I talked with his mom on the phone for 2 1/2 hours....I now have a friend myself :) She could not have been more pleasant or more accomodating. Even after expressing exactly what pertained to his care and the severity of his allergies, she absolutely wanted him to come. Quote: "It's not his fault he has these allergies--he should get to have fun too" (jawthunk) I even told her it was ok if she wasn't ready for this and needed to have him come another time (yes, would have caused great weeping and gnashing of the teeth by JB but...we'd deal). It also helped that she had been a restaurant manager so understood about cross-contamination issues and food handling :) It truly seems their family shares our values--especially education. And dogs. They have a GIANT Newfoundland, my hub said the kids could probably ride him. (Bonus, I sold her on the idea of JQ babysitting her 2 boys, 9 & 6...My daughter: Mom I love you!!! LOL)

My only true concern was that they do smoke, but only outside and NEVER around the kids. Hub said he couldn't smell a thing and neither could my kids. JB was a bit off today but he also slept in a new sleeping bag on carpeting and the weather has been giving him heck. I felt awkward asking but again, she was very sweet and acknowledged that she understood my concern for my child!

He had a good time, although he only got 4 hrs of sleep and was quite grumpy when hub went to pick him up LOL But his mom said he was welcome over again :) And to make it even better, her son made it into gifted as well, so they will be in most if not all of their classes together. (she told me how much her son looks up to JB awwww...my hub said they look almost alike--both wear glasses, JB has blonde hair, the boy has brown LOL 2 peas in a pod!)

I know many ppl would think it irresponsible for us to let him go after a long phone call and hub walking her through everything (like how to work the epi). But my intuition (which is scary good most of the time) told me it was going to be good. And his mom and I hit it off so well. We did cover what was needed, but the rest of the time, we chatted about dozens of things (on a good note I may have found a good neurologist at Shands Hospital in Gainesville...she had a medical condition for 15 yrs and he was the one who finally found "the cure") And after meeting the parents, hub felt incredibly comfortable too. I can't wait to get together with the mom--another SAHM, who understands about having chronic illnesses :D

JudoQueen.....we talked. ALOT. I stated what I thought. Her dad talked to her. We talked more today (well, Sunday). Her decision was to change to Coach B as of Monday night to his dojo (so he will become her "new" Sensei....most students of judo believe your first is always your "true Sensei" but it is also a title of respect). The family will be switching there as well, since of the time conflict, though they can still see Sensei on Fridays, open workouts, tournaments, etc.

JB cried (he's still cranky from being tired AND he abhors change of any kind.). I've cried. JQ's cried. Sensei is family. He will always be family. And I truly hope he understands why she is making this change and tries to accept it gracefully. I have never seen him unkind to a former student (some parents, though, deserve it for being grade A Assholes and even I avoid them like the plague...one will be at her new school but Coach B has thrown her out for being drunk...and gave her a warning. I guess she's shape up a bit). I hope that he can accept the reason we all are changing. If he were ever to change his class days, I honestly believe the family would go to both--though still fight under Coach B.

The only dilemma now is this Saturday's tournament--does she fight for Sensei or Coach B? Hub is going to be speaking with Sensei on the phone about everything tomorrow afternoon. JQ will talk to Coach B at night. And then we'll come to a decision. I am honestly torn. Part of me thinks it would be a bittersweet way to end her years with Sensei (though she will have 2 classes w/ Coach B this week instead of Sensei).

I'm quite proud of my daughter. She asked me if she was taking the easy way out by going to Coach B. I was dumbstruck. I told her there was nothing easy about how she had made this decision. Yes--the decision was made over a few days, but this is something she has pondered--along with us--for months. That moment of clarity just hit her Thursday, enabling her to choose with her heart. She's taking an unknown path and leaving behind someone she cares deeply for (along with the fact, we don't know if her boyfriend will change as well, though we've invited him to ride with us). Sensei is like a grandfather to her, and has shown so much pride in her. I'm tearing up as I think of it.

There is nothing easy about any of this. But we had to tell her that sometimes you have to choose yourself over others because you can't please everyone all the time. You can't choose others over yourself when you are unhappy. I told her the true results of her decision may take awhile to see, that sometimes you feel relief, or even a momentary panic after a large decision. That she may not see the results immediately even though she has been with Coach B for a semester.

But I do believe she made the right decision, for the right reasons. She demands so much of herself. She's not happy unless she feels good about what she's doing. It may be a tough week. But I hope soon, I'll see that glow back on my daughter's face after judo class at night and that she feels it in her heart.

Contest time! Fresco Phyrra!

2011-01-05T11:21:00.000-05:00

Sadly, as "girly girl" as I am, I don't wear much makeup. But when I found Fresco Phyrra's blog I was dazzled by her amazing color skills--her hair, makeup....wow! So yes, I have a blog crush AND a girl crush on Phyrra *HUGE BLUSH* With or without her makeup, she's one hot babe ;)

And, because she is that awesome, she is having a fabulous giveaway on her blog with tons of makeup freebies--enough makeup to last me quite some time. YES I want to WIN lol I'm sure I'd have to fight off my daughter as well ;)

So--head over to Phyrra's website for complete details on how to enter the Lost in Makeupland Giveaway!

Good luck :)

2011 Goals

2011-01-03T02:28:00.000-05:00

We're almost 3 days into the New Year and I've pretty much slept. Darn cold. I did get to see my sister and BIL who live in TX, and of course my precious nephew PoohBear (he lives here) who is 15 mos old and smart. Scary smart. He and my kids could seriously out-think all of us adults put together. I expect my sister's hair to begin going white any day now LOL. He's already talking--far earlier than I remember JQ--and she not only talked early but so well, people often mistook her for an older child. I hated not being able to hold him--he's finally getting over his fear of "others".

But! I did grab my special journal, the one I've kept for 14 years now, and quickly wrote down my goals. Most of the time, many of the goals are the same--the results are just different. But as I've said, I look foward to meeting these goals and while I may feel disappointed at the end of the year if I didn't accomplish it, I don't feel like an unmotivated, lazy failure.

Here they are!

Meet up with some online friends--I *love* doing this! People who aren't online don't get the strong friendships you make. It's so rewarding to finally meet (I miss you Eric!!!). I have a friend coming this week, and another one soon--we were supposed to get together last week but we both got sick. We share a love of House MD, House RPGs and writing House Fanfic. She's my best friend, we talk on the phone almost every day--so even though we've never "met", over the past year or so, we've grown close.
Health--I need to find better treatments for my migraines, continue to slowly work on exercise, and will very likely have surgery for my umbilical hernia this year (oh joy).
My belated Christmas gift--we are adopting a rescue Pug! Normally, we would go to our local SPCA and adopt--just as we have in the past, most recently, 3 yr old Willow as a pup. But after researching about Pugs, they sound like just the lap dog companion I'd love. And if my health improves I'd love to work with both as therapy dogs.
Singing! I always thought that vocal lessons at my age would be a waste--not so says my hubby! So in order to improve my Anthem singing skills, especially to give me the courage to audition for the Tampa Bay Lightning hockey team, as well as America's Got Talent (that little darling Jackie Evancho made me cry!)...this 40 yr old mom is going to learn how to sing properly!
Arts & Crafty Angels--I want to continue to work on items for Zazzle and my Etsy store, as well as for myself. I have a few quilts I need to do, and will be learning how to make some knock-out jewelry. In addition, I'll be teaching a young lady to knit while I learn how to improve my own skills.
Speaking of teaching, I will be working with JediBoy on piano lessons! With my health issues, it got too difficult for me to teach, not knowing when a migraine would strike. So I'm really excited!
Fun! We have passes to Disney, and are dying to go to World of Harry Potter at Universal, as well as The Florida Aquarium (JQ's BF hasn't been) and Aquatica. Plus hockey, and maybe UCF football game (WTG in the Liberty bowl Knights!!) We also try to look for a play or concert to go to...if there is a God, he will bring Green Day back to FL lol
Culinary Arts--we love to try new foods, etc. JQ can outcook/outbake most adults.
Spiritual--after getting burned in the past, I've been reluctant to find a new place of worship. We've found one...now if I can just get my sick self out of bed! I am pretty sure we'll be happy there. I'm already making friends with members on FB
Vacation! More than likely our "get out of Dodge" vacations will be tied either to Judo Tournaments or visits to colleges. A little pleasure with our business ;)
For the Brain--in college, I auditioned for Jeopardy. Didn't make it. So I was thrilled to see a friend from HS on the show a few months ago! I am watching the website so I can sign up, and who knows?
R, W & W--Reading, Writing Reviews, and Writing Fanfiction. Goodreads.com is still my favorite site. Not only do I win free books to review, authors have started sending me books/ebooks to review! I hope this develops further as the year goes on. I've begun a book blog for my reading lists, reviews, Q&As, contests and readathons. I also hope to get back to writing my House MD Fanfic.

You can find my work at

Happy New Year...I hope my list has inspired you, and I hope you'll encourage me this year (psst, that means lots of comments *wink*) Love and blessings to you all!

Happy New Year! 2011

2011-01-01T00:17:00.000-05:00

Watched the Ball drop.....

Time to get a breathing treatment/take pain meds (I'm sick)

And GO TO BED.

Have a lovely New Year Day, and may 2011 bring you all many blessings!!

LOVE YOU!

2010 Year End Roundup

2010-12-30T01:27:00.000-05:00

I do not make "New Year Resolutions". I've tried, exceedingly hard in the past. EPIC FAIL.

But when I changed my way of thinking and began creating goals--less "lose weight" and more "new endeavours"--I felt challenged and was less likely to drop my list by the end of January.

Here are a few things I accomplished in 2010:

Wrote movie reviews for my local newspaper (January)
Sang the National Anthem for our Judo Tournament (October)
Tried a new "food": Sake (yummmm)
Created more shirts on Zazzle
Took a vacation to Georgia for the Judo Junior Olympics (pecan pie & pralines, ahhhh)
Wrote kaboodles of reviews on Goodreads.com
Came to terms with my sexuality as a bisexual, marred woman (yes I just outed myself LOL)
Worked on improving my health, mainly by having my psoriatic arthritis and ankylosing spondylitis diagnosed.

That's not to say there weren't failures, even tragedies in 2010. My beloved Grandma passed away. I have her photo next to my bed and sometimes, just a glance will bring on sobbing. There is still a portion of my heart that is empty, broken and aching. That she is with my Grandpa and my Aunt watching over us is a small comfort. She and my Grandpa were one of the sweetest, most loving couples I've ever seen. They would leave each other love notes, and he never got too far into the house without a kiss. The house where I spent a great deal of my childhood and special events like holidays and birthdays is on the market. I hope whomever moves in appreciates the love that must seep from every corner.

I have to be evaluated for an umbilical hernia and may need surgery in 2011. The PA and AS are wreaking havoc on my body and so far, cortisone shots and methotrexate aren't helping the pain. As it is, I have a nasty cold and have to skip this week's MTX since it lowers your immune system and there are almost no antibiotics I can take anymore.

My migraines continue to worsen. Sadly I think I will have to leave my Neurologist and find a serious headache/pain clinic....possibly in another state. The FDA has approved botox injections for migraines, but I am still scared to death to try it.

My health put a lot of my goals on hold, which disappoints me greatly. But while my achievements were tempered, I beamed as my children flourished this year--both with straight A's. JediBoy was tested for Gifted and scored in the Genius category--he qualifies for Mensa :) JudoQueen continues to rack up the medals, including Womens' Open Grand Champion for her school's judo tournament (and got her first trophy!)

Willow is still the sweet loveable pup at 3yrs old--and we can't wait to give her a "sibling" next year. My fish are rather amusing to watch--they've been mesmerized by the tank heater we put in (yes it's been that cold).

At Christmas I delighted in watching my 15 mo Nephew Poohbear as he took in the excitement of Christmas. He's rather shy around me, but is finally warming up to me. Not only did I get a few high 5's, but he let me hold him while I sang some Christmas songs. And he is one smart toddler, already able to repeat words and imitate sounds. I think some of his frustration is not being able to communicate as fast as his brain goes ;)

In a few days, I'll post my 2011 goals. Feel free to link to yours or share them in comments!!

HeadacheSlayer sings National Anthem

2010-12-24T05:31:00.000-05:00

It's a Wonderful Movie

2010-12-22T14:00:00.000-05:00

So, what are your 'must watch' films for the holiday season? I have a couple of shelves--I have to admit that Christmas/holiday movies are some of my favorites....List yours in the comment section!

It's a Wonderful Life (B&W please--colorization makes baby Jesus cry)
Miracle on 34th Street (original)
A Christmas Story
Emmett Otter's Jugband Christmas
Best Christmas Pageant Ever
Scrooged
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (original and live action)
Charlie Brown Christmas (Best soundtract evah!)
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Frosty the Snowman
The Polar Express
The Santa Clause
Belle's Magical Christmas
Christmas on Sesame Street (shut up)
Rudy

I can't think of any more, yet I know there are far more that I enjoy and love--many of the "made for TV specials and movies". Yes we watch Christmas Story on Christmas Eve a few times while wrapping gifts (which we need to get moving on!)

OH and I cannot forget "holiday episodes" of shows like Buffy and House MD, and most recently, Glee (bawled like a baby!)

There are also films such as "Sleepless in Seattle" that have parts set during the holidays that are lovely as well.

Share away!

I'm Dreaming of a Bling Bling Christmas.....

2010-12-21T04:18:00.000-05:00

If ever there were a day I needed to fantasize about the holidays, it's today. I hurt. I had to get a blood draw. The starter on our only car was giving us fits today.

SO....I'm going all out for my Fantasy Santa Wish List. I know that He knows what I want most is a happy healthy family (and less pain would be real nice for me). So he knows I'm not being greedy here, just silly.

In no particular order, my gifts, please....

Either Patient Of The Week on House MD or New Character. Must interact with all the male leads. ahem. Romantic scenes will be in my contract!
Get to be in the next POTC film and be Johnny Depp's new bestest friend
Have a giant ranch where we rescue all sorts of animals, retired circus animals included.
Spend a year in France.
Have a chauffeur to drive me around in my new Ferrari
Rent out Nekker Island for a month or so. Maybe longer.
Visit the same guy's African resort for another month or so.
Custom built house with the works--movie theatre, bowling alley, game room, indoor swimming pool, room-sized jacuzzi, super giant bed with a room sized aquarium, grand piano, full library...you get the picture.
Buy an island.
Stay in the Keys for a season.
Go to every single Green Day concert anywhere on the planet for the rest of my life
Have enough money to always give back to others in need
Jet. Helicopter.
Fly on the Space shuttle
Have undersea house.
be animated by Pixar, do my own voiceover
take a cruise ship around the world
have a personal chef
pay someone to invent an actual holodeck. Dude.
A full size, actually can fly, Millenium Falcome. Dude.

Meth-y Year

2010-12-10T00:53:00.004-05:00

No more doctor appointments until January, so I thought this would be a good time for my 2010 health wrap-up.

Here's where I am with my chronics:

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome--15 yrs
Fibromyalgia--15 years
Iritis--13 years (which has now been deemed chronic by my eye doc)
Chronic Daily Headache--6 years
Complex Migraine Disease--6 years
Psoriatic Arthritis (diagnosed this year, but most likely at least 1-2 years)

Then all the "side dishes" of TMJ, anxiety, depression, insomnia, and IBS that go along with the above.

I really like my new Rheumatologist. She's increased my methotrexate to 20mg once a week. The side effects are still there but decreasing slowly. Looks like I won't go bald after all LOL. But she gave me cortisone shots in my knees and OH MY HELL. I wanted to puke and faint. For 2 days. But I think they feel better, hard to tell with the cold weather lately, all my joints are protesting.

I have to get bloodwork once a month to make sure the MTX doesn't box my organs. In a few months, if it doesn't help my PA, then I'll get switched to a stronger drug (you'd think chemo was stronger but nooooo. The next step is "biologics" aka a form of drug they use to prevent organ rejection)

I am at a standstill for my headaches/migraines. Still on the depakote (preventive)/vicodin & ativant/dilaudid (emergency) combo and not getting anywhere. After reading The Pain Chronicles I am going to start investigating some major pain clinics, both in and out of state.

I am still constantly in pain, not just the PA. I'm sure I've hit another tolerance level with the vicodin, but the tylenol in it keeps us from increasing it. So not sure where we'll go with that.

I am so grateful for my family doc, Dr. Awesome, and my eye doc, Dr. Fantastic. They really gave me the courage to push for treatment from the Rheumatologist (I'll call her Dr. Bueno, as she is Latina). I really do like my neurologist--I'm just not sure he can do any more for me. Though the FDA did just approve Botox for migraines--something I've been scared to try, but after 6 years I'm ready to just have my head surgically removed. I almost feel guilty to search elsewhere, since he was willing to put me on dilaudid to avoid the ER.

I'm still having my share of days of overwhelming grief from losing Grandma. The holidays make it that much harder. I still cry alot.

I hope that the coming year will show improvement on my PA, and that I'm successful in finding more help for my headaches/migraines/pain. We're going to be looking into a few things that at least may make things a bit easier.

May the new year bring you comfort and increased health.

The Pain Chronicles--MUST READ!

2010-12-05T07:50:00.000-05:00

The Pain Chronicles by Melanie Thernstrom

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Will add more to this review soon...

One of the best books I have read EVER. Not just on pain either. Should be required reading for:

Med students

Doctors who treat pain patients

Those who have chronic pain

Those who care for a person in pain.

Fantastic, not dry at all, as a quote on the back suggests, it's almost wrong to love this book so much, given the topic.

I've already recommended it to my doctors and my family--my daughter may go into neuroscience, so this is right up her ally.

View all my reviews

The Verdict.....

2010-11-06T03:29:00.003-04:00

With the majority of my test results in, my rheumatologist had decided to treat me for psoriatic arthritis. That link will take you to information from the Mayo Clinic.

It is bittersweet to have a diagnosis. Good to know that yes, I was right in my research--this wasn't "just" fibro or osteoarthritis, not just being 40, not "all in my head". But worrisome. It has done damage to my hips and lower spine--and that's just what we've checked. It is degenerative. For reasons unknown, it will knock about 5 years off my lifespan. And then there's the treatment (there is no cure).

For starters, she gave me a shot of steroids in the hip bothering me the most. The kind of pain that feels like a knife stabbing me that only a scalding hot heating pad can relieve. It was helping until our cold (hush, yes cold) front kicked in and now I'm limping again.

And she put me on methotrexate. It's a chemotherapy drug, used for breast cancer (among others) but I'm on a lower dose and use it only once a week. I have to use prescription strength folic acid with it as well. I have to get bloodwork done religiously to make sure I'm not getting other cancers or organ failure. I have to be really careful about not getting sick (the one antibiotic I CAN take can cause leukemia when taken with methotrexate). Scary huh? But even with all that, the benefits still outweigh the risks. The risk of losing my eyesight to iritis, the risk of not being able to walk, or use my hands, or take a deep breath (it can fuse my ribs so they aren't flexible).

This would be tenfold worse if it weren't for my rheum--who is a lovely, funny, very personable doc who takes her time (her staff rocks too), and my family. The kids know what's going on as there will be alot of appointments in the next 3 months (and the methotrexate, like chemo drugs can, may make me sick, lose some of my hair, etc).

Wish me luck--if this med doesn't work (aka a DMARD), she'll need to move to the bigger guns (biologics). As I explained to her, I'm not looking for more pain meds, and don't expect a cure. I just want to feel better. After years of feeling hopeless, finding a doc who takes me seriously and is working on that goal means the world.

Parental Braggage

2010-10-14T03:10:00.002-04:00

This week has been a double-shot for our household, so let me first say that I am blessed. Blessed to have not just one but two amazing, lovely, talented, and intelligent kids.

This weekend was our Dojo's tournament. JediBoy had 6 kids in his division, and placed 3rd. I was so proud--he tired out a bit (we had to be there early and then lots of waiting). But he tends to get emotional when he loses a match and he held up strong.

JudoQueen now has a new nickname, in my eyes--JudoBeast. This was her first time officially fighting in both the Junior (under 17) and Senior divisions (the girls ranged from 15-20). This is why I love watching her fight. There was this amazing fire as she began what would be the first of eight matches in less than an hour. She was so exhausted at one point, we were afraid she'd pass out. But somehow she dug deep, and pulled off a Silver in both divisions, beating girls who had higher ranks.

It was inspiring. And I'm not just saying that as her mom. There was a spark she'd been lacking the last few tournaments. Well she found it and then some.

Monday, hub went to JB's school to discuss his recent testing for the gifted program. Back at his old school--private school--he was average. But after last year, he did so well at his new public school, we considered asking his teacher. Well, she took the initiative and began the process.

First round--Grand slam out of the ballpark.

According to his teacher, they look for 85-115. Reading--126, Math 146, Composite, 140.

I have a scary smart little boy on my hands LOL

Now they are going to do the official testing, but his teacher said he's already doing 4th grade math and reading (he's 8). She said he was a natural leader, and recommended we let him read Harry Potter. Oh and he's a joy in class. One of the gifted teachers is already getting to know him in the afterschool robotics club.

See me? See how giddy I am?

I KNEW my boy was smart, but the private school couldn't see that and never appreciated him. This school seems him for who he is--that different drummer kind of boy. JudoQueen is scary smart as well (she took her PSAT today, easy compared to taking the SAT in 7th grade, she said) but tends to fit the mold.

Part of me wants to bust my buttons for having 2 great kids, but part of me feels like it's not my doing, because of my illnesses. I don't do nearly as much as I want to with them. I'm relieved Hub works from home and can be very involved.

But in the end, I'm just glad they have these advantages, so they can have the futures they want and deserve. My little stars *happy sigh*

Little Bee--MUST READ!!

2010-10-11T06:36:00.000-04:00

Little Bee: A Novel by Chris Cleave

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

From the back cover:

"WE DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS BOOK.

It is a truly special story and we don't want to spoil it.

Nevertheless, you need to know something, so we will just say this:

It is extremely funny, but the African beach scene is horrific.

The story starts there, but the book doesn't.

And it's what happens afterward that is most important.

Once you have read it, you'll want to tell everyone about it. When you do, please don't tell them what happens either. The magic is in how it unfolds."

How to review a book without giving any of the incredible details away?

The description above varies from the one on my copy, so I truly had no clue what the book was about. Though the newer description does give a hint, it prepares you that there is not all light and goodness within the pages. It is tender, tragic, gut-wrenching and triumphant. I smiled, I wept openly.

"Little Bee" has moved me so much that it has joined the lofty ranks of one of my favorite books ever. I believe it to be as classic as "To Kill a Mockingbird" and should be required reading for everyone (high school and up).

Though the book mentioned a forthcoming movie, I broke my "watch before read" vow, only because I really did not want to know anything in advance. I can only hope the movie can be as inspirational as this novel was.

I truly feel changed by this book, for the better. It reminds me why I love reading so passionately. Please, do yourself a favor, and read this, and then share with your friends and family. I hope you will love this as much as I have.

View all my reviews

Launch Camp TAG (The Allergy Gang) in 11 U.S. cities. | Pepsi Refresh Everything

2010-10-08T13:19:00.000-04:00

Launch Camp TAG (The Allergy Gang) in 11 U.S. cities. Pepsi Refresh Everything

PLEASE, please vote for this! The camp would enable my son to go where he wouldn't have to worry about his food allergies. This would be amazing for him.

Please vote every day, please repost, and please email. This is so incredibly important to me.

You have no idea what it's like to not allow him to participate in things like regular class parties, birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. A camp would be......a miracle.

FAIL

2010-10-06T15:55:00.003-04:00

That appointment I was supposed to have today with Dr. Awesome? Didn't happen.

The receptionist from hell screwed it up. Never mind that I've had the appointment for a month. Nevermind that SHE wrote out the appointment card, day/time. My appointment "somehow" got switched to 2 hrs earlier and not only could I not make that time, they could not see me at the time I was supposed to be there.

NOW I have an appt in 2 weeks.

CURSE SWEAR CUSS CUSS.

Hubby called and got the nurse--who is wonderful (after trying several times and never reaching the receptionist....hmmmm). She apologized like crazy. Now, if it had been me calling and I got the RFH, I would have ripped her a new one. But the nurse, no way. Love her.

And wonder of wonders after bitching at the RFH I got my appt with the rheumatologist for next week. I *know* she had done nothing to get my appointment. When I see Dr. A, I will tell her what's not going right with her RFH. Oh and this is the 2nd time in 4 months she's "switched"my appointment.

Amanda, chica, care to help out? Because now I feel your pain. Just the idea of seeing RFH, my perimenopause symptoms (aka severe anxiety) was flaring like hell today. GAH. Strength in numbers ya know ;)

On the other hand....

2010-09-29T11:16:00.001-04:00

I hit 50,000 hits!!! BOOYAH!

The Pain of Sleeping and Waking

2010-09-29T04:16:00.003-04:00

I'm awake because of one of the most horrifying nightmares I've ever had in my life. Bad ones are usually enough to make me cry and leave with a foreboding shadow hanging over me, even as long as a day.

This one was so graphic, so heartbreaking, when I woke, I didn't think I could breathe. It involved me and Hub out and getting mugged. And he was beaten so badly I didn't think he'd live to make it to the hospital. I will spare you the full color play by play that my brain chose to throw at me. Suffice to say, in my nightmare, my heart hurt so badly, the idea of losing him.

Since losing my Grandma in April, I have so many times woken up, and for a moment, forgot she was no longer with us. Forget having a bandaid ripped off--it's like having a chunk of your heart torn out all over again.

So when I woke up, in a dark room, no other sounds, it was like that, and in a panic, I reached for him, instantly sobbing the moment he touched me. For that split second I thought--this could have been real. Cried hard enough to give me a migraine and want to vomit repeatedly. I had to turn on the light and look at him to prove to my brain and my heart he was okay.

Why do our brains torment us like that? For what purpose? And this is when I curse my creativity because I dream in HD, color, sounds, smells and all. (I've even had taste but that wasn't a nightmare).

And my pain from my arthritis is so horrific that I'm dreaming about being in pain more and more. I know that's usually my body trying to wake me up so I can take my pain meds. But still.

*Note to Amanda Justice--I am feeling your pain. The referral I *should* have had to the rheumatologist 3 weeks ago was just phoned in by you know who. Somehow I don't think all the necessary records have been sent either--and this is a VERY good doctor that I need to see. So if she wasted 3 weeks of my time and pain....let's just say Dr. Awesome will be getting an earful about you know who......*

I am at epic pain levels. Like House hallucinating on vicodin levels. On top of that, all the lymph nodes on the left side of my face and neck are swollen and sore--and I'm not sick. This has been going on for almost 2 weeks. It *can* be associated w/ my arthritis but come ON can I catch a damn break? That's been waking me up as well.

My eyes need a good checkup too, they are a mess and I suspect Iritis is back.

So I've been trying to distract myself with reading (GOODREADS PEOPLE!), Netflix, and House MD marathons (there's one today on SleuthTV!) even though I own all the DVDs LOL.

I think last week was invisible illness awareness week and I was too sick to do anything about it. I'm in too much pain--physically and emotionally--dealing with my life. Sigh.

*Edited* Sure enough, the receptionist fucked up. THREE WEEKS wasted. So now, she has to fax over all the info and see if the rheumatologist takes my case. THREE WEEKS of agonizing pain. Can I put the pain whammy on her for a day and see how she likes it? Grr.

Goodreads | Headacheslayer's review of Leaving Before It's Over

2010-09-22T07:25:00.000-04:00

Goodreads Headacheslayer's review of Leaving Before It's Over

Sweet, heartwarming book :)

A Real life Superhero!

2010-09-13T16:22:00.003-04:00

Tonight, on Discovery Health, a very special friend of mine will be featured on a special, Tourettes Uncovered. (6 pm CST, 9 pm EST). Jaylen Arnold, 9, who has Tourettes, OCD and Aspergers, began an incredible mission--to educate people about Tourette's and to teach children and adults an important message: Bullying, NO WAY!

I "met" Jaylen online about a year ago thanks to some local news publicity. He is such an incredible ray of light, upbeat, kind, and optimistic about spreading his message world-wide.

He is truly a hero, and I am so humbled by him. He is proof that one person can change the world.

Here are the links for more information:
http://www.jaylenschallenge.org/

http://www.baynews9.com/video?clip=http://static.baynews9.com/newsvideo/bn9/web_video/Jaylen_Arnold_Bullying.flv

http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/neurological-conditions/raising-child-tourette-syndrome.htm

Congratulations Jaylen, YOU ARE MY HERO!!

He's used to it by now.....

2010-09-07T07:28:00.002-04:00

Sunday was my 18th wedding anniversary. I had plans, really, but my body has a mind of its own. Pain and exhaustion were the unwelcomed guests. Big Red stopped by too, and since my iron is low low low, I'm probably a bit anemic as well. Would explain why a trip to Target (me being wheeled around in my wheelchair) wiped me out for the rest of the day and most of the evening.

So we didn't eat dinner together on our anniversary, though we DID have cake that he and JQ made--Pink Champagne cake--to die for, really. (Booze Cakes, look it up on my GoodReads shelves). Cards were given out yesterday. And I'm just now posting it all.

But if I apologize, Hubby's response is "don't worry about it". And someone more cynical may think that's because I make plans and invariably cancel or delay them, so he has low expectations. But he's sincere. If I'm putting off having fun, then I obviously feel bad.

It doesn't make me feel much better. I've been sick for 15 of the 18 years of our marriage. And if this diagnosis of psoriatic arthritis & ankylosing spondylitis holds up, life's not going to get easier.

He got the bad end of the deal and I got lucky. While the divorce rate for average people is around 50%, the divorce rate for those with a chronically ill spouse is 75%. Scary. And those same cynical people who believe that no marriage is cheat-proof also would say I couldn't believe my husband when he says he'll never leave me, no matter how bad my illnesses are, no matter if I'm completely disabled and dependant on him.

We're far from perfect. We fight. I get irritable when I hurt and he snaps at me because he's tired.

But we've made it another year, a year I know I could not have survived without him.

I love you honey.
xoxo

Reading List 2010--Redux

2010-09-04T13:31:00.019-04:00

Most of my readers know I've got OCD (not the hand-washing, counting kind, more like the perfection kind). So when I take upon a task most of the time one of a few things happens:

I succeed, not without some serious anxiety (thus my life-long dependence on meds)
I stumble, am not able to do it, and self-flog
I realize I have taken upon too much, have serious anxiety, quit, then flog.

This year's reading list is getting way WAY out of hand, thanks to my fantabulous addiction to GoodReads and their FirstReads giveaway (plus some generous authors who have sent e-books my way to review). I like free books. However, though I have several books I am currently co-reading, they are short stories and poems. Palate cleansers. I can't read two "major" books at once. I like savoring my books.
I was going to wait until 2011 to reveal my new reading list style but I'm bucking my internal system and going for it NOW. Below you will see the books I've read and the books I'm currently reading. The books "to be read" from my original 2010 list--gone. Well, there is still a post, but my links on the sidebar will change.
It just occured to me that HAVING to read a book feels way too much like required reading in school--which JQ despises for the most part. She likes the books but hates the assignments that go with them. LatelyI'll find a book and think I WANT TO READ THAT NOW! but then my OCD nag will tap me on the shoulder and remind me of the books on my list I haven't read yet. "Maybe next year" it says. FLICK! I'm a free-range reader now! BOOYAH!

***Please visit my NEW BOOK BLOG! Bastion of Books, where my book lists, reviews and more are waiting for you! This blog may have reviews from time to tme, but book lists will only be located there beginning in 2011***

Books Read: 28 in 2010 PAGES READ: 10,643 (complete books)
*Favorite Books
Currently Reading

Complete Poetry of Maya Angelou
Real Vampires Have Curves~~Gerry Bartlett
*Official Book Club Selection~~Kathy Griffin
*Pug Hill~~Alison Pace
Sicillian Tragedee~~Ottavio Cappellani (FirstReads)
Exiles in Ameria~~Christopher Bram (Library)
*Never Look Away~~Linwood Barclay (FirstReads) MUST READ!!!
The Less-Dead~~April Lurie (FirstReads)
Red Spikes~~Margo Lanagan (Library)
The Surrendered~~Chang-Rae Lee (FirstReads)
Ultimate Lesbian Erotica 2009~~Nicole Foster, Ed.
Sleeping Beauty, Indeed~~JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ed.
Gemma~~Meg Tilly (loan)
Bi Any Other Name~~Lani Ka'ahumanu et al.
A Bright Red Scream~~Marilee Strong
*Thaw~~Fiona Robyn (read @ read-thaw.blogspot.com)
The Margin~~Marvin Wiebener (FirstReads)
Diary of a Wimpy Kid #1~~Jeff Kinney
Bawdy Bedtime Stories~~Joan Elizabeth Lloyd
100 Love Sonnets~~Pablo Neruda
The Complete Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm
Talking to Girls about Duran Duran~~Rob Sheffield (FirstReads)
*Dracula, My Love: The Secret Diary of Mina Harker~~Syrie James (FirstReads)
Leaving Before it's Over~~Jean Reynolds Page (FirstReads)
Fairy Tale Lust~~Kristina Wright, ed.
It Sucked and then I Cried~~Heather B. Armstrong (Dooce.com)
*Little Bee--Chris Cleave~~AMAZING, should be required reading!
Why? Because We Still Like You--Jennifer Armstrong (FirstReads)
The Kid Table--Andrea Seigel (reviewed for GoodGollyMissHolly.blogspot.com)
*The Pain Chronicles~~Melanie Thernstrom--Another required reading!!
*Chasing Zebras: The Unofficial Guide to House, M.D.~~Barbara Barnett
The Vitamin D Solution~~Michael F. Holick
The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart~~Daphne Rose Kingma
Push~~Sapphire
The Truth About Santa--Gregory Mone
Spin the Plate~~Donna Anastasi
The Lexical Funk~~Daniel Clausen
The Colt~~Dawn Nelson
The Cries of Vampira~~Sean H. Robertson
Separate Kingdoms--Valerie Laken (FR)

Is it hot in here?

2010-09-01T14:30:00.003-04:00

I had an appointment with Dr. Awesome today. Test result day. See the great big dark cloud hanging over my blog? Yeah it was one of THOSE days.

Least of my problems--I am officially in perimenopause.

I am 40.

This sucks.

It's hot enough in FL, but hot flashes that feel like a horrible panic attack...well, that just bites.

I am also deficient in Vitamin D and have low iron. Joy.

For the grand finale I am now the probable owner of my very own, actually diagnosed autoimmune disease. Psoriatic Arthritis. And that really really sucks.

I had a bunch of xrays taken--they show problems in my lower back and hips--degeneration, narrowing between discs, spurs, arthritis, nerve pressure. Of all the "arthritis" conditions, this one is really a bad one to have. Dr. A is sending me to a top-notch rheumatologist because the drugs they use to treat it are just about as bad as the illness itself (such as methotrexate, etc...immunosuppressants). So the doc has to stay on top of me and my meds.

I'm a little teary...a little numb....a little relieved. I know what this beast is, so now we can fight it. For once, my pain has a reason and a name. I can't stand for more than 5 minutes and now I know why and it's not in my head. The horrible pain in my back, hips and legs aren't because I'm "getting old".

So.

Dr. A also earned a gold star for being such a great doc. Our van had a nervous breakdown--cracked radiator & blown engine--to the tune of $6000. So money is TIGHT. I needed a refill of one of my pricier meds. So I asked if she had any samples, just a week's worth. She gave me a month's worth. I *heart* her.

At least we have our 18th wedding anniversary this weekend to take my mind off it for now. More later.

Bite Me! A book review ;)

2010-08-24T07:22:00.002-04:00

Dracula My Love: The Secret Journals of Mina Harker by Syrie James

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Buffy. Twilight. True Blood.

It seems you can't flip a channel, go to the movies, or browse a bookstore without bumping into something involving vampires. They owe their start to the eternal classic (no pun intended), Dracula.

In Syrie James' take, Dracula My Love, she has studied various versions of the vampire mythos, including Bram Stoker's original, and compiled it into a unique journal, that of Mina Harker. In it, Mina tells the true story of her interactions and affair with Count Dracula.

I have not read Stoker's version, though I did watch "Bram Stoker's Dracula" during a break from reading James' novel. I think she did a brilliant job of reinventing the wheel, so to speak. While at times it did lean towards being overly romantic (and with the latest trend of fangbangers, who can blame her?) I found it thrilling and would highly recommend this book to anyone who loves a good paranormal/vampire novel. It definitely makes me want to read the original.

Due to some slight eroticism I would recommend this novel for grades 9 and up. There is no foul language, and while the subject matter does involve vampires/vampirism, it is not too violent in my opinion.

Kudos to James'--not only am I interested in her previous work, I look forward to her works to come.

*This review comes from a free copy of the book; I was not paid in any other fashion.

View all my reviews

Live Preview: Season 1, Ep 5: Poisoned Past Breakdown Pt 2 - FanFiction.Net

2010-08-22T03:11:00.000-04:00

Live Preview: Season 1, Ep 5: Poisoned Past Breakdown Pt 2 - FanFiction.Net

It's finally up! My 5th Fanfic for House, MD. I hope you enjoy :) Please read and review! Reviews are like warm fuzzies ;)

Silver Lining to Today's Migraine....

2010-08-20T16:24:00.002-04:00

I won an award! Check my sidebar :D

I was nominated by you, my readers, for Top Migraine Blogger, thanks to Medical Assistant Schools.

You can see the rest of the winners here (many of them, my personal favorites and friends):

2010 Top Migraine Blogs

Congrats to the rest!

Time to rest my head while I do a virtual Happy Snoopy Dance :D

Georgia on my mind...

2010-07-27T13:18:00.002-04:00

This past weekend, JudoQueen competed in the Junior Olympics in Georgia, her third year. Cutting to the chase, she fought well, but did not place. She fought the top three girls in the nation, so this was HUGE. Naturally she was disappointed but we were all so proud of her. I did cry because I knew how much she wanted it. But I assured her those girls were once like her--and with the upcoming training her Sensei is going to start, she's only going to get better.

Our trip to Georgia started out okay--until the air conditioning in the front of the van went kaput. With the car temp reading 107 degrees, I was miserable. JQ was in the back and freezing--but I can't ride in the back. I get carsick.

I've lived in central Florida my entire life. I only THOUGHT I knew what traffic was. HOLY CATS. I've never seen so many cars on the road in my life. We drove around what hubby called a Flyway (?), the craziest looking roadways I've ever seen. Looked more like a roller coaster ride.

I was so very happy to get to the hotel. The kids loved being on the 11th floor--we could see Stone Mountain off in the distance. Lovely room, comfy bed, bathroom larger than a closet. I cranked the air down as low as it would go. The air could not get cold enough. Gah. I was never cold in the room.

With our crazy schedule, meetings that ran long, and the killer heat (heat index was 115), we didn't do anything as planned. The kids did get to enjoy the hotel pool, souvenir shopping and eating out. Kudos to Olive Garden and Bahama Breeze for working HARD to accomodate JediBoy's food allergies. Not only did he have wonderful meals, the servers were extremely pleasant and helpful. A huge BOO and Two Thumbs DOWN to Cracker Barrel. There was practically nothing for him to eat and the server had a bad attitude.

JQ and I were on a mission: to find pecan pie and pralines. I was shocked by how hard I looked with no luck on the pie. It was practically under my nose--one of the hotel retaurants made the most amazing pecan pie with a chocolate sauce and some kind of alcohol (bourbon perhaps?). We found great pralines at a shop at a mall.

JB is into the Silly Bands craze--remember Jelly bracelets of the 80's? Well these are like rubber bands but come in different shapes and colors. When you wear them they look like a regular bracelet. He found camo (army), insects, glow in the dark tie dye sea creatures......the "in" thing is to trade them. JQ wears some but trading at her age is "out". It's more of a thing you just give to your best girlfriends.

We also bought several pounds of fresh Georgia peaches (MMMM)--JQ is making peach cobbler tonight; pecans for all types of goodies; Vidalia onions; and more pralines LOL.

JB's top souvenir--a taxidermied gator head. Yep. It's about the size of my hand--mouth open, plenty of sharp teeth in a fixed gator grin. He wanted just a skull but no luck. And he REALLY wanted a gator head the size of his, but it was $60.

The heat finally got to me and I was really ill one afternoon, and on the way home. I had to chug mylanta until I felt better. And praise God, the air started working properly not long after crossing the state line.

I wish we'd been able to do more, but we have plans to go back--even if it's for the Jr. Olympics next year (rumored to be in GA again). We just need a few more days to do things like Stone Mountain and the Aquarium.

It was so nice taking the trip with Sensei. He's now a part of the family--anyone who can be with us that long and just go with the craziness deserves that.

I'm still exhausted--though ironically I didn't have any headaches while there--and not for lack of stress! My feet are swollen horribly, the heat really kicked my ass. And as nice as vacations are, it's good to be home too :)

Goodreads | Headacheslayer review of Talking to Girls About Duran Duran: One Young Man's Quest for True Love and a Cooler Haircut

2010-07-17T06:17:00.000-04:00

Goodreads Headacheslayer review of Talking to Girls About Duran Duran: One Young Man's Quest for True Love and a Cooler Haircut

Goodreads is full of BS--Bookworms Socializing ;)

Who is Angel Hoffman?

2010-07-10T10:44:00.002-04:00

Ok, I've done a little revamp of my blog to show my love not only for the most amazing show on TV, but to spam my fanfiction for the same show ;)

I've added a picture of Scarlett Johanssen. Who is NOT Angel Hoffman. Who is NOT me.

So--who is Angel Hoffman?

She is a character I created for my House fanfic, and in searching for a persona, I came across a few photos of Scarlett and had a lightbulb moment. She was exactly who I was trying to picture when writing this character.

So, there ya go.

Click on my banner or the title of this post and it will take you to my page over on FanFiction.Net. I have 4 stories done, nearly done with a 5th and have about 5 more in my head. Lots of fluff--and some NSFW stuff. Ok so she's not a real character on the show, but hey, at one time, there was no Amber or Taub or Thirteen. Everyone's gotta start somewhere, even if it's in my head.

I forgot how much I love to write. I wrote fanfic back in middle and high school for--don't laugh--Scarecrow & Mrs. King. And I still have them thankyouverymuch. I also just bought the first season on DVD LOL.

So if you go over and read, please leave comments, please? I know not everyone who loves the show will think my ideas are good--but I am loving this so very much. And it's nice to have feedback either way.

Get your geek on and head over! :D

Goodreads | Headacheslayer's review of The Margin

2010-07-08T18:15:00.001-04:00

Goodreads Headacheslayer's review of The Margin

Follow me on GoodReads!

Two years later....UPDATE

2010-06-23T18:51:00.003-04:00

Hubby (JudoMan) is having is gallbladder out Friday, almost 2 years after I did in 08. He is nervous--aside from having his wisdom teeth out, he's never had anything major done (I don't consider The Big V major, not physically anyway.) He's had a few stitches here and there, very minor.

Me, I'm a basket case. IMO, it hurt more than natural childbirth from having JediBoy at home. No drugs, nada. When I woke up in post-op, I was sure there was no way I could be feeling that much pain and not be dying. SCARY.

And though he does work from home, he is getting an entire week off--short term disability, so woo! We plan on resting in bed and watching movies.

I will try to update from the hospital if they have wi-fi, otherwise I will post when we get home Saturday (those who are on my Twitter feed will get updates sooner.)

*****

My beloved goldfish Gandalf died last week. I had him at least 3 years so I cried. Some may think that fish aren't a real pet, but he was smart--except when he kept getting rocks caught in his mouth; funny--except when he banged the bigger rocks against the glass wanting to be fed in the middle of the night. Even his tankmate Frodo misses him. I'm waiting to get another fish until Hub has recuperated.

UPDATE: I went back to my archives. I had him almost exactly 4 years. When I got him, he was your average, petstore goldfish, the fancier kind, but about the length of your index finger. When he died, he was as big as my hand, not including his beautiful long tail. He thought he was a Koi :*) I miss him. He made me laugh.

*****

Visit to the neuro was a flop. Nothing more he can do for me. So I may be looking into the Mayo Clinic or Shands in Gainesville. I did find an article about a plastic surgeon in Miami who learned a technique that severs certain nerves and has almost instant results. After nearly six years, I'll do anything.

More later....

Live Preview: House MD, Ep 4: Six Letter Curse Breakdown Pt 1 - FanFiction.Net

2010-06-18T17:25:00.000-04:00

Live Preview: House MD, Ep 4: Six Letter Curse Breakdown Pt 1 - FanFiction.Net

My fourth House fanfic, featuring Angel Hoffman. Read, comment, enjoy!

Last day of school! Last day of school!

2010-06-09T08:46:00.003-04:00

(imagine voice of Nemo lol)

Holy cats. When the kids get home today I will have a Sophomore in high school and a third grader. *plotz*

Let's put this time warp into perspective. I remember JQ's face perfectly the first day she went to kindergarten. And now she's learning to drive. How the hell did that happen?

In third grade I moved into the house my parents are still living at. I made some friends that I still have today (*Wave to JJ*). JB was born in THIS house. Where did time go?

I'll tell you where it went. Right to my hair which I have not colored in months. I decided today it looks less like sexy Rogue from Xmen and more like Cruella DeVil. Not pretty.

And this summer will zoom past even faster I'm sure. JQ has 2 classes to do assignments for; is earning community service hours by working at the art museum for 2 weeks; and still taking judo, going to tournaments and seeing her boyfriend (who is going to FRANCE--if I didn't love him so much I'd hate him right now.)

Ahh judo. The last tournament was good and bad. She had no one in her division so she wound up fighting a brown belt in the senior (17+) division. Got her butt thoroughly whooped. But this girl beat a black belt from Japan so not disappointed in JQ at all. But she really needs more training because in the world of Judo, it's hit or miss if she'll have anyone to fight (and she's a little tired of winning by beating one girl). Only at the national tournaments does she have a decent pool, but that's where she needs the training.

So during the summer she's going to take judo one day a week about an hour from here--the Sensei is *amazing*, and she's gone to things at his dojo so he knows her (and well, everyone knows our Sensei). And she's going to start attending the adult class at our dojo.

This is all in preparation for July--one weekend we'll be in Georgia for the Jr. Olympics, the next weekend in Ft. Lauderdale for the Jr. Open. She came in 2nd last year in the Jr. Olympics but they are always one week apart so she's never gone to the Open. It depends alot on JM's gallbladder surgery but we hope to make this our vacation.

JB likes Judo quite alot but doesn't take the class as seriously as he should (grrr). But he did get a bronze medal at the last tournament, so he was happy. He'll participate in the tournament in a few weeks, but won't compete in July.

As for JM--he hasn't had his surgery scheduled yet. But an MRI of his liver discovered a hemangioma inside. Not large enough to warrant anything but watching it. He'll have it rechecked in 6 and 12 months.

Migraines have been kicking my ass. I had one yesterday that was horrific. I've renamed the 1-10 pain scale "how badly do I want to kill myself". It was a 13, easily. Time to see the neuro again. Sigh.

I am still missing Grandma so badly it doesn't take much to bring on a slew of tears (like now). It hurts so bad it's hard to breathe. I am not doing well. Her picture is by my bedside and when I look at it a fresh stab goes through my heart. But to move that picture seems so very wrong, not when I loved her so much. I don't want to forget for a second what she looked like when she was happy and feeling better than she was the last time I saw her. This is what I want to remember. Even if it hurts so much I still want to rip my heart out. Because I know that if she had lost me, she never would have moved my picture. And I know that someday, maybe not anytime soon, I won't hurt so much looking at the picture. It will come in steps, tiny ones, and events like holidays and birthdays will rip open that healing all over again.

This wasn't what I intended when I started this post. But it's hard to post without thinking of her, one of my most diligent readers. All the little things I think about telling her and then I remember. Even though I talk to her and I know she's watching over me. I just want to hear her voice, feel her arms around me, see her smile.

Aunt C, if you're reading, I'm sorry if this made you cry. I think about you all the time too and know that I'm sending you love and hugs every day. Furry pets to Tiger too.
xoxo

Create safe, sensory environments for special needs school children | Pepsi Refresh Everything

2010-06-04T02:12:00.000-04:00

Create safe, sensory environments for special needs school children Pepsi Refresh Everything

My friend's daughter has Asperger's. She is such a dear girl who has a special place in my heart. But her parents had to make the tough decision to take her to a school over an hour away from their home because there was no school nearby that could address her needs.

K's school is in the running for a $50,000 grant from Pepsi. Please, please vote. It's simple, free, and you can vote every day.

The stories I heard of how she was maliciously taunted in public schools made me cry. The inability of the teachers to help ward off bullies and make school a safe learning environment made me livid.

We can help make a difference in her life and the lives of her classmates. For the first time, K feels accepted for who she is.

Thanks.

Do I exist if I don't blog?

2010-05-19T17:45:00.004-04:00

It's been one month since I lost my Grandma. I am not okay. I don't know how to put it any other way. I mean, I think it's a "normal" feeling. I'm not looking for a bridge to jump off of. But I am lost and my world is upside down and I still have pain from losing her that I want to rip out my heart. It's hard to believe you can live through pain like that.

My mom made the excruciating decision to sell her house. My aunt (*Wave and kiss*) lived with her and I know this must be so hard for her. Because I bawled my head off when I heard. I know every nook and cranny of that place. The smell. All the memories I have of birthdays, holidays, days when my Grandma would pick me up from school because I was sick. I want to tell whomever buys the house to love it because there is so much love embedded in every fiber in it. It is a true Home, not just an address.

Hubby has been having a rough time the past month with his stomach. Thanks to my obsessive watching of House MD--and the fact I went through it myself--I'm guessing gallstones. Dr. Awesome initially disagreed but after the 3rd attack, he had an ultrasound today. We'll see.

Me, I'm battling neverending migaines. The pharmacy had to order my dilaudid and it mercifully came in on Monday or I would have spent the evening in the ER. I have one today. Between last week and this week, I'm guessing my body is trying to spring another status migraine on me (one that lasts more than 72 hrs).

Then there's the worsening pain around my navel--we think my hernia is getting worse so I have to go see the surgeon who did my gallbladder. The idea of me and hubby both having surgery this year is daunting. Especially considering that we had been planning a vacation this summer, coupled with 2 judo tournaments that would take us to Georgia one weekend (Jr. Olympics) and Ft. Lauderdale the next (US Jr. Nationals). We'll see.

Worse still is the nagging hip pain I've been having--that I assumed was just "me"--may be my very first "Official" Autoimmune disease. Over the years during the cold weather I would get a rash on one or both hips. I chalked it up to eczema, since JediBoy had it until he was 4. Now Dr. A and I suspect it is Psoriatic Arthritis. I have to get hip and back x-rays. Good news, I may have the mildest form. Bad news are the meds to treat it--typically NSAIDS (bad stomach), steroids (body hates it) and methotrexate (look it up). Sigh.

So I've been reading some, but mostly working on House MD Fanfiction. It's been relaxing. But if my pain is too bad--be it head, body or emotional, I have a rough time getting anything done.

**BREAK**

I had to stop this entry yesterday. The migraine got so bad I felt like throwing up.

Hubby got the results--he needs his gallbladder removed. In addition they found a spot on his liver so he needs an MRI. I am petrified. It's like 2008 all over again.

Dorian: The healing power of art and spirit

2010-05-08T00:42:00.001-04:00

Dorian: The healing power of art and spirit

Posted using ShareThis

Season 1, Episode 3: Snakes on a Stripper Pole Chapter 1, a House, M.D. fanfic - FanFiction.Net

2010-05-04T05:13:00.000-04:00

Season 1, Episode 3: Snakes on a Stripper Pole Chapter 1, a House, M.D. fanfic - FanFiction.Net

Finally got this done. Very therapeutic to work on fanfic. Sometimes the sad parts actually make me cry (not hard these days).

Condolences

2010-04-22T14:11:00.001-04:00

If you would like to leave condolences, here is the link:

http://obituaries.expressionstributes.com/?o=f2f4139884

Thanks for all the kind words and love.

The Angels are weeping

2010-04-21T13:30:00.002-04:00

My grandma died this morning. I want to curl up and die too. I cant even begin to process how I'm feeling (I just found out).

Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.

Grandma, I love you with all my heart and soul and nothing will fix the hole that's in my heart. Thank you for being my grandma and loving me unconditionally. I wish I'd had one last chance to say goodbye. I know you're with my grandpa and I know how much you've missed him. That's the only thing that keeps my brain from shattering. Give him a kiss for me.

xoxo
Your first grandbaby

AngelHoffman - FanFiction.Net

2010-04-12T04:04:00.000-04:00

AngelHoffman - FanFiction.Net I have been having a blast writing fanfic for House. M.D. Please come over and read & review!

Caution: Story 2 is NSFW! But yes I had fun writing it ;) My editor (aka Hub) had fun reading it too :D

Enjoy!

AngelHoffman - FanFiction.Net

2010-03-28T22:19:00.000-04:00

AngelHoffman - FanFiction.Net

Come read my first FanFic story based on House, MD :) I am *loving* this. I used to write FanFic for--don't laugh--Scarecrow & Mrs. King. This was back in Middle/High school.

So this is only the first in a series. I made up a character--Angel Hoffman (also my pen name) so the first story--"Introductions" is just that. I used to be in a role play on Twitter and had so much fun with this character I had to start writing Fanfic again.

Enjoy! I'm also on Live Journal under the same name Angel Hoffman.

Prayers please

2010-03-24T15:40:00.003-04:00

Most of my long-time readers know that my Grandma has been a faithful reader of my blog. She's really ill right now. Please send prayers/thoughts and if you don't mind, post on your blog. I need a House MD and a Miracle Max all in one right now.

Any comments left for her, I will print them out and take them to her next week when I see her.

Thank you. She means the world to me. I love her so much, my heart hurts right now and it's hard to breathe when I think how sick she is.

xo

Fifteen

2010-03-21T13:23:00.002-04:00

My beautiful daughter, JudoQueen, turned fifteen today. I played Taylor Swift's song "15" for her and bawled my eyes out. She, being 15, rolled her eyes, looking quite embarrassed. I told her to indulge me, because she is the one who made me a mother.

Way back then, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get pregnant. My hormones were out of whack and my doctor prescribe a low-dose fertility medication. Thankfully, the second time around did the trick. But when I started cramping and bleeding, I feared the worst. But my determined girl stay put, thank God.

Her birth laid the groundwork for her future brother's homebirth. My OB was leaving for the night, and I got the OB who was later fired for being drunk at deliveries. He was not kind, to say the least.

But when she was born, I could not stop looking at her. I remember me and JM just sitting there, looking at her in her hospital bassinette, watching her sleep. We were mesmerized by her beauty, that we had created such a magnificent creature. And no one could get over her bright blue eyes and long delicate fingers.

She wound up jaundiced and that was such an ordeal. Trips to the doctor for heel sticks--I could hear her screaming from the lobby and would sob along with her. Finally, mercifully, they put her on bililights at home, our little glow-worm we called her. But the heel-sticks continued and that was just hell. Finally, she recovered from that. It took me much longer.

I remember this cute little noise she made. Her nickname was Peeper and we joked about how someday she'd be a teenager and we'd still be calling her Peeper. I remember it like it was yesterday. And now she is a teenager.

This teenager is jonesing for her learner's permit. Good thing my hair is already white, eh?

The scarier thing is that she can take everything online. And she has 4 hrs to take the test. And if she passes--and let's face it, she's smart--they will mail her the permit.

Her father will be teaching her how to drive. He has the patience of a saint and I do not. But it's rather fitting--my dad taught me how to drive. They already have this bonding thing going in the kitchen, each playing sous-chef to the other on different days. And now he will be teaching his daughter how to drive.

She wouldn't let me tell her the story of her birth again, like I always do on her birthday. So she let me tell her 15 things I love about her.

She celebrated part of her birthday yesterday with her Boyfriend, who got ultimate brownie points by buying her New Moon on DVD. They saw Alice in Wonderland, had pizza, and then ice cream. Their favorite date activities. We're planning on watching New Moon later--I was so ill when it came out we didn't get to see it in the theatre.

I got to wish her Happy Birthday after midnight--she'd been home for awhile, doing homework, and then crashed in bed to watch a House marathon for awhile with me. That's my girl.

So tonight, it's just family. She's helping her dad prepare her birthday dinner and dessert--coconut shrimp and strawberry pie. JQ is terribly hard to shop for. Aside from books and things for her guitar--her new addiction--she really doesn't ask for anything.

Happy Birthday my darling girl. You are becoming such a fine young woman. I'm proud of you. I love you. And yeah, I may be acting like a mom, but that's your fault ;)

JUDO FAQ's

2010-02-19T22:08:00.003-05:00

This is by no means comprehensive. It's just so you'll have an inkling of what I'm tweeting (@Headacheslayer) during tomorrow's tournament. If you haven't signed up to follow me before I leave, sorry, won't be able to do anything once we hit the road.

WHO:
JudoQueen, 14--my daughter Blue Belt
Jedioy--8, my son Orange Belt
Boyfriend--16, attached to JQ. Orange Belt

Judo: think Japanese version of Greco-Roman Wrestling. No punching, kicking or hitting. There are throws and pin-downs.

Joshi--Girl/student of Judo
Judoka--Boy/student of Judo (can be either gender

Throws--you have to throw an opponent in the right way for it to count, either as a partial point (Yuko, about 1/4 pt; Waza-ari, about 1/2 point) or a full point, Ippon. An Ippon ends the match.

Pin-downs--proper hold down for the age range (under 13, no chokes--YES you can get choked out but should have the sense to tap out before that happens). 25 seconds done properly is a win. Also to watch for, the arm bar, where you can have your arm dislocated, also wise to tap out.

IF at the end of regulation time (sometimes 2-3 min dep. on tourney) then there is overtime, highest score OR ippon wins.

A competitor may have as few as 2 to a dozen competitors. There are far fewer girls in Judo. Tournaments may be double-elimination or round robin. Competitors are arranged by age and weight if possible. Competitors may choose to not go up in ranges without penalty (but how much fun is it to win without fighting?)

Proper etiquette is bowing before entering the mat, bowing to the main ref, bowing to your opponent. Shaking hands after a match also in good form. Opponents should walk backwards to edge of mat to "bow out" before stepping off. This is a peeve of mine. So few clubs teach/enforce it. I love our sensei, he's old school.

Sensei--teacher and/or coach. Yeah there are a few like from Karate Kid. Not many thankfully. Our coach is BF's uncle (which is how they met, awww). Sensei is like a father/grandfather and I just love him to death. That has nothing to do with this FAQ. Just sayin. ;)

There are scoreboards, hand signs, all kinds of throws, and yours truly, one of the Psycho Judo Moms. Hub is filling in for the coach tomorrow but may work on his coaching credentials--some tournaments, you cannot be matside w/out them.

So that's about it. You'll probably endure some nervous tweeting when the waiting gets to me. Neurotic even. But I hope to get some videos, posted selectively for some people and you will get why I love watching my kids kick ass. Because they do it oh so well ;)

Sayonara.

8 years ago....

2010-01-22T02:55:00.002-05:00

My darling sweet wild and cuddly JediBoy is EIGHT today!! Seems just yesterday that I awoke at 5:30 a.m. in pain, more crampy and in my legs and back. I decided to get into the shower which felt good--and I felt an odd sensation like a pop. We knew later that it was, indeed, my water breaking, but we were a bit confused.

A call to the midwife, and she said to come in around 9 that morning, she'd check me, but just get some rest. Within minutes, I was crying for JM to call her back--she heard me over the phone, said she was packing her bag and headed our way. The rest of the staff was called--Our baby was arriving today!

By the time she got here--yes, this was a planned homebirth--she realized I was very much so in labor, and alerted the staff to get her or miss it!

We woke JQ and told her the big day was here--she was going to be a big sister! Cute as can be, she held my hand saying "You're doing great mommy, just breathe". We were all tickled by our precocious 6 yr old (she would turn 7 in not quite 2 months). She left to go color a picture for her new baby.

Things went fast and furious--even Allegro and Max, our cat & dog, watched curiously. The staff got here in the nick of time--even JQ who had dozed off, was rushed back into the bedroom.

It is funny to note that I had planned on a waterbirth, candles, music--NADA. the pump wasn't working to inflate the tub (aka kiddy pool) and I was busy birthin' a baby that the music and candles weren't even part of my awareness.

In exactly 4 hrs from the time my water broke, we had a baby. JQ announced we had a boy (he had cleverly hid any evidence on ultrasound day). He was an instant pro at nursing (and nursed until a few months past his 2nd birthday). He was perfect.

I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it was to give birth at home in bed, surrounded by my husband, daughter, cat & dog, plus a compassionate midwife, nurse and midwife-in-training.

Over the years, our JediBoy has faces sets of trials--severe eczema, anaphylactic food allergies, glasses at 8 mos old, gross motor delays, growth issues--my hair skipped grey and went right to white.

NOTE: Things you never want to hear your son say: "Everything I learned about using a microwave, I learned from MythBusters."

But while he loves to burp and talk endlessly about Star Wars, the History Channel, his Wii gaming skills, Rock band, and Gameboy, he is the boy who curls up with me every day, just to cuddle and ask me how my days was. He's the one who is eager to bring me an ice pack for my head, delights in napping in my bed, and is a never-ending supply of laughs, hugs and kisses.

Happy Birthday, my sweet boy. I love you to the universe and back.

Mine, all mine!

2010-01-19T22:20:00.004-05:00

I am *officially* doing the Lap(top) Dance! Say hello to Yoko Otoshi (she's a Toshiba, and that's a Judo throw LOL)

I started thinking the other day about why this laptop meant so much to me. Of course, it's one of the nicest gifts JM has given me, such a surprise. And it means a connection wherever I go, or, as may be the case, if pain forces me to bed. But then it occured to me. It's because this is *mine*.

It's a good thing we're taught as kids to share. Because unless you live alone (and some do--and this is no offense to them) eventually, you wind up sharing. A home, a bed, pets, time, money, energy. There is very little, as a parent, that is truly your own. Something that belongs to you and you alone. Think of bathroom time--am I right?

And I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I wouldn't trade my family for the world, for all the "me" time, or possessions. But when I really started thinking about it, as a person--not just as a wife, mom, etc--there's not much that I can put a brand on with just my initials.

My sewing machine, yes--it is one of my treasures (even though I have yet to make a quilt for myself). My fish--and I'm thankful that JM gets in there to clean the tank. I'm not sure I can quite claim my piano as my own anymore, since the kids are free to use it--gently--and JB will be taking lesson. I don't get to play as much anymore with the pain in my hands.

So that brings up my laptop, since there is a desktop for family use, a laptop that JM uses for work, and JQ has her own Netbook. It's outright new, shiny, fast (I honestly did not realize this is how fast the internet was supposed to work) and MINE. I do not have to share.

Help Haiti NOW

2010-01-15T06:51:00.003-05:00

Here is a comprehensive link of all the ways you can donate to help the devastated people in Haiti:

Huffington Post

Their page will be updated as new information comes in.

I simply can't imagine....my heart hurts for them :*(

BRRRRR

2010-01-07T05:57:00.004-05:00

It. Is. COLD. For FL that is. We've had record low streaks in the 30's. There are rumors of snow in Norther FL this weekend. Good lord, don't let JB hear that, he'll be hoping for snow here.

We're used to a couple of cold days but not like this! And I have found a new migraine trigger. It's like having an XL Slurpee Brain Freeze. This is the 3rd day of my migraine. And I'm angry enough to bite someone.

Thank God for my neurologist who believes in rescue medications. But it may mean bumping up my Depakote. GRRRR.

And thank GOD for electric heating blankets. That person deserves sainthood.

*Burrowing back under covers*

Reading List 2010

2010-01-01T00:01:00.034-05:00

You may have a sense of Deja Vu when you read the list....LOTS from 2009. Between other things happening, books jumping into my reading list, and now doing book reviews, a great deal come from last year. That's ok. This is a Green Blog--I recycle!

Many of my reviews you will find on GoodReads under the name Headacheslayer.
The "Books Under Blankets" Club is on GoodReads--it is a bookclub for parents and children ages preschool through 5th. JediBoy named the club because we like to read our books in bed ;)

First Reads is a program through GoodReads--you sign up to enter, and you could win a book before it is published! (The key is to write a good review, that keeps you in the future drawings!)

I've also started adding poetry and short stories to the reading list. Great for when I don't have time to read much, or, as my daughter says, as a "Palate cleanser" between books or even chapters (she's a chef wannabe).

Status: 18/101 (8/31/10)
*Favorite Book for 2010
Currently Reading

Insomnia--Stephen King
New Moon--Stephanie Meyers
A Return to Love--Marianne Williamson
Don't Eat this Book--Morgan Spurlock
Son of a Witch--Gregory Maguire
Vanity Fairy--William M. Thackeray
The Golden Compass
Uglies--Scott Westerfield
Why Buffy Matters-Rhonda Wilcox
Emma--Jane Austen
Cold Mountain--Charles Frazier
Second Summer of the Sisterhood--Ann Brashares
Hand Maiden's Tale--Margaret Atwood
Chew on This--Eric Schlosser
Gregor and the curse of the Warmbloods #3
Unfortunate Events #4 The Miserable Mill--Lemony Snickett
Too Loud, Too Bright--Sharon Leller
A Gentle Madness--Nicholas Basbanes
For One More Day--Mitch Albom
Vampirates--Justin Somper
You Slay Me--Kate McAlister
Gone with the Wind--Margaret Mitchell
Scarlett--
Not On Our Watch
Oil--Upton Sinclair
Complete Poetry of Maya Angelou
Art of Racing in the Rain
Heroes: Saving Charlie
The Heartache No One Sees--Sheila Walsh
The Audacity of Hope--Barack Obama
Michelle--
Chocolat--Joanne Harris
Charm--Kendall Hart
Hurricane Almanac
NOLA Ghosts
Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince--J.K.Rowling
Prince Caspian--
Eldest
Real Vampires Have Curves--Gerry Bartlett
Stardust--Neil Gaiman
Princess Diaries #3--Meg Cabot
True Blood #1
Mommywood--Tori Spelling
It Sucked and then I Cried--Heather Armstrong (Dooce)
*Official Book Club Selection--Kathy Griffin
Yoga in Bed
Kingdom Keepers #1
The Gospel According to Lost (for BookSneeze.com)--Chris Seay
Slumdog Millionaire
Kite Runner
Inkheart
Push
Keeper of Light & Dust
Watchmen
We Bought A Zoo
Rescue Ink
The Soloist
Julie & Julia
Time Traveler's Wife
Pug Hill--Alison Pace
Edgar Sawtelle
Life of Pi
Bad Monkies
Marked: House of Night
Why We Suck--Denis Leary
Handle with Care--Jodi Picoult
Rant
Lord of the Rings--The Two Towers
When the Wind Blows
Headache Sourcebook
Level 26
Unclutter in a Week
Darkly Dreaming Dexter
Art of Self-Care
Philosophy of House MD
Hunger Games #1
Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians
Sicilian Tragedee (begun in 2009)~~Ottavio Cappellani (FirstReads)
Exiles in America~~Christopher Bram (Library)
*Never Look Away~~Linwood Barclay (FirstReads) MUST READ!
The Less-Dead--April Lurie (FirstReads)
Red Spikes--Margo Lanagan (Library)
The Surrendered--Chang-Rae Lee (FirstReads)
Ultimate Lesbian Erotica 2009--Nicole Foster, ed.
Sleeping Beauty, Indeed--JoSelle Vanderhooft, ed.
Gemma--Meg Tilly (on loan)
Bi Any Other Name--Lani Ka'ahumanu et al.
Every Patient Tells a Story
A Bright Red Scream--Marilee Strong
Thaw--read it at read-thaw.blogspot.com--Fiona Robyn
The Margin (FirstReads)--Marvin Wiebener
Backseat Saints--NEW JOSHILYN JACKSON NOVEL! SQUEE!
Diary of a Wimpy Kid #1 (Books Under Blankets Book Club)--Jeff Kinney
Bawdy Bedtime Stories--Joan Elizabeth Lloyd ed.
Mania (on loan)
100 Love Sonnets~~Pablo Neruda
The Complete Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm
Talking to Girls about Duran Duran~~Rob Sheffield (First Reads)
*Dracula, My Love: The Secret Diary of Mina Harker~~Syrie James (FirstReads)
Leaving Before It's Over~~Jean Reynolds Page (First Reads)
Fairy Tale Lust~~Kristina Wright,ed.

The year that flew by....

2009-12-31T00:33:00.003-05:00

I can't believe it's already New Year's Eve (well, wee early hours of). This year, as years seem to do, flew by, but I think this one was a bit faster. My mom says that as the kids get older, time flies scary fast and she's right.

There has been the typical good and bad that marks any year. After 2008, I didn't think I could handle another year like it. Mercifully, 2009 was slightly better. But I have so much hope for 2010, the happiness in my heart is sure of it.

This year....
JudoQueen started dating her first Boyfriend. They are happily still together, and will celebrate their first anniversary at the end of January. He's such an amazing young man, kind, polite, loving, intelligent, talented, and a true pleasure to be around. He makes my girl happy.

JediBoy got his first medal in Judo--a gold medal at that. He's one of the hardest working kids in Judo, and his effort is awesome. He loves it for the sport (not that he minds medals). Even getting bit in the face during a match didn't sway his determination for the game.

JudoQueen graduated as Salutatorian of her school and was accepted to an International Baccalaureate high school, one of the best in the nation (they are ranked in the world for some classes). So far, she has straight A's--8 1/2 years in a row. I am so delighted how happy she is now. Things started out rough, but after the first 9 weeks, she was back to her confident self. Her advances in art are amazing. She used to be ok, but is now doing sketches of her baby cousin that are really lovely. And her cooking and baking--just awesome! She's giddy about getting her guitar, hopefully today.

JediBoy started a new school--he is so happy there, and is being nurtured by wonderful teachers. He's also making straight A's for the first time, and is at the top of his class in reading and math. He's excited about showing off his new medic alert bracelet--it has pirate skulls LOL He's also going to start piano and violin lessons, thanks to mom and dad.

JudoQueen is kicking butt and taking names in Judo. She placed 3rd in the nation in the USA Judo Jr. National Olympics (this organization feeds into Team USA for the Olympics). She is working on Kata with her boyfriend (think synchronized Judo demonstrations) and they hope to compete this year. She was awarded Outstanding Judo Student, takes advantage of every clinic she can go to, and took on a black belt from Japan at our tournament--and came in 3rd. Her Sensei beams with pride when he talks about her, and will do everything in his power to get her to the Olympic trials--we are hoping for Rio 2016.

I started up my own Etsy store and have awesome things planned for next year. I've made some incredible friends on Twitter, reconnected with old friends on Facebook, and discovered the addiction that is GoodReads. I'm doing book reviews for them and another company, movie reviews for our local paper in January, and beginning product reviews for a Gluten-free company. I may not be getting paid--yet--but free books, movies and food? Works for me!

My dear Grandma, while still not feeling well, has kicked Cancer's butt. GO GO GRANDMA!!! I love you more than my heart can say. You mean the world to me and I'm blessed that God gave you to me :)

My beloved first nephew, PoohBear was born in September and he is one of the lights in my life! I didn't know something was missing in my heart until I held him. I love spoiling him and making things for him--I made his first Christmas stocking, and well, got a bit carried away--he could almost fit in it LOL Santa's going to have a time filling it!! He now knows me enough that he breaks into a big toothless grin (complete with drool and bubbles) when he sees me and giggles. Is there any more magical sound (other than I love you) than a baby's laugh? My sister is such an amazing mother, their love is a beauty to behold.

JudoMan continues teaching violin and assisting with the younger students at Judo. He now has his green belt and might compete next year. I knew he'd love teaching violin, but we never would have guessed how incredible he'd be teaching judo. He is a rocking husband--he is buying me my own laptop--my xmas gift :)

In matters of spirituality we are going to try a new church, a Unitarian Universalist congregation near us. It sounds exactly what I've been searching for, a place where people accept who you are, not how much money you have, or hypocrites that preach one way and act another. It doesn't mean I'm not a Christian, but I detest those who have sullied the name. And worshiping with those of other faiths will be an amazing thing for the kids.

As for my health--the reason I started this blog over 5 years ago.....there have been ups and downs. I am so blessed to have Dr. Awesome as my main doc, as well as my eye doctor who has taken care of my iritis flares this year. My neurologist may have found the magic bullet for my migraines--depakote ER. The side effects are not for the weak, but I'm down to having maybe 4 migraines a month--a far cry from 12 or more. And though I have to use dilaudid as a rescue med, it beats having to go to the ER like I did this summer.

We discovered I have GERD, esophagitis and a hernia--there is a slight possibility I might need surgery for the latter next year, but so far so good. The good news is that my heart is very healthy (after esophagitis--which can mimic a heart attack--prompted an ambulance ride to the ER) and my bloodwork is good.

2010 means the continuation of testing for Multiple Sclerosis. The new neurologist so far is optimistic--the brain MRI was clean, according to the report. He does want to take a look at the actual MRI and get a cervical spine MRI, and have me take a test called "evoked potential", plus more blood work. If all of those are good, he will not subject me to a lumbar puncture (woohoo). He said many of the symptoms I'm having could be my fibromyalgia--the numbness in my arms and legs, uncoordination, balance issues, etc.

The cold weather has brought back my chronic daily headaches--it got to the point where I realized I wasn't having them anymore, or very infrequently. But now that parts of my body sound like rice krispies in this cold, the headaches are back with a vengeance. Only now I don't have my NSAIDs due to the GERD etc. Compared to everything else though, right now they aren't such a big deal. Perspective I guess.

My fibro pain is the big issue for 2010. My doctor and I are not giving up. The new neuro may be able to help, and if not, we'll keep looking. The pain is better than it has been (at least before the cold weather changes started to hit) but not diminished enough to get me the point where I want to be.

I have my own set of wishes and goals for the new year, and of course I'll post a huge reading list (you'll have a sense of deja vu--many of the books come from this year's lol). Maybe I just forget how I feel at the end of every year, but I'm happy. Genuinely happy--more than I've been in a long while. There are new people in my life who add to that joy, new ventures to look forward to. I'm so very grateful.

Happy New Year, Blessings to you and yours.

The Highs and Lows of the Holidays

2009-12-27T06:41:00.002-05:00

The days leading up to Christmas did not bode well for this year.

JudoBoy came down with a cold (pleasepleaseplease no asthma).

The kids' Sensei for judo had a stroke--JudoQueen is devastated, as was I. He is family to us. Fortunately it sounds like with physical therapy he will be good as new. He requested no visitors, but we long to give him great big hugs and kisses. He is like a dad to me--at the end of the judo party, not 2 weeks ago, he hugged me, gave me a kiss and said "I love you". He loves the kids like they are his own, and takes every opportunity to brag about JudoQueen, who won "Outstanding Judo Student of the Year". So prayers/thoughts for him are greatly appreciated.

The wonky weather was wreaking havoc on my pain and exhaustion levels. The depakote IS working--at a cost. My hair is no longer falling out by the handfull, but my hands shake, and it's hard to sleep. And whatever is causing it, my left arm/hand has numbness/tingling that makes me a bit more clumsy on that side. The neuro said it's probably my fibro but I still have more tests to run for MS. BUT back to the depakote--my severe migraines are down to maybe 3 a month, and maybe only a total of 4 a month. HUGE improvement. HUGE. Not to mention they maybe last half a day instead of 3 days. HUGE.

We got the tree up 2 days before Xmas, and the last of the online-ordered gifts arrived in the nick of time on the 24th, whew! There was some nailbiting going on, but the delivery gods were with us. JQ baked all week with her brother and they had a blast! Most of the recipes, she converted so her brother could eat them.

Christmas Eve, we were supposed to go to church (at a new church) and then open house at JQ's boyfriend's house. Only I felt awful, stomachache, fever, chills. joy. And the window on the van was stuck in the down position and we were due for 2 days of rain. Joy joy.

Things started looking up when the kids' judo coach drove by (lives in the neighborhood) and said he had a neighbor who fixes cars. We might be able to get him to fix it at a fraction of the cost. Hooray!

But, no church. The family went to the party. I was ZONKED OUT. Their return meant WRAPPING TIME! and oh how good it was to wrap :)

JediBoy got a huge Millenium Falcon (thankyou eBay)--I had wanted one growing up so badly. Santa brought him chocolate bars--he's never had a candy bar before (thank you Santa and www.peanutfreeplanet.com!!!) He's at the top of his reading class so he got several chapter books, as well as books on how to draw Star Wars characters.

JudoQueen was tickled with all her GLEE and Green Day stuff--and her big gift, to be picked out this week--an acoustic guitar. She was THRILLED!!!

The kids both used their own money to buy gifts as well--I got earrings from JB and an awesome book from JQ (look for it on my 2010 reading list LOL).

Then Hubby--er, Santa, got me Lindt truffles, and 2 canisters of Repulic of Tea. Then I got a Christmas Wreath Yankee Candle (smells great, burning it right now), a book on House MD, an extreme Sudoku Book, the new Transiberian Orchestra CD, and........a certificate for.....
A NEW LAPTOP!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!! I've been borrowing his dad's to make it easier to work on. Hub said he would have bought it, but he wanted me to pick out the one I wanted, awww! So I'm as excited as JudoQueen :) I really couldn't believe it, he said he's been saving for awhile so I could get it, he knew how much it meant to me. I love my husband!

We had a good time at my parents'--I got major Auntie time with my Pooh Bear who is just getting cuter every day. I got him a stuffed Zoobie--zoobie.com I think--I picked a Baboon and it's so adorable, and he grinned when he saw it :) Melted my heart.

Family gave us money, they know we're saving up for a flat-screen TV for the bedroom, but with the window, we were a bit bummed. But....SANTA LIVES! Hub got his stock dividend check and it was WAY higher than he expected--like enough to pay for the car window AND then some.

Just makes you feel like God's been watching, knows we've been dealt a few rough blows lately, and gave us a loving boost. That, and Karma rocks ;)

Tomorrow we go to celebrate Xmas with my FIL and BIL! Not quite the 12 days Of Christmas, but almost ;)

60 Second PSA for Jaylen's Challenge

2009-12-10T02:44:00.001-05:00

Jaylen is my hero is so many ways. Keep rocking and keep smiling sweetie :)

Book Review Bloggers: Kabul 24

2009-12-08T06:58:00.008-05:00

As a member of Book Review Bloggers for Thomas Nelson Publishing, I choose a book, read, review and post my honest reviews. That's it! If you want to continue in the program you must post your reviews on your blog, on the Thomas Nelson website and an another major website such as Amazon.com. As soon as your reviews are posted, you choose another book. WOOHOO!

Kabul 24 by Henry O Arnold and Ben Pearson

Imagine yourself for 105 days in a foreign land where you may or may not speak the language, and you are suddenly yanked from your job, thrown into medieval prisons with no explanation, accused of crimes that can mean you execution at any moment: How would you survive every moment? Where would that faith of rescue come from?

For the 8 workers of Shelter Now International (SNI) and the 16 Afghanistan people who tried to help them, this is the hell they faced as the rule of the Taliban and al-Quaeda rose, and the tragedy of 9-11 loomed in the future. While other SNI workers escaped with the clothes on their back, the accused were daily questioned and accused of converting and attempting to convert Afghan people to Christianity. The 2 men and 8 women were terrorized with threat of torture and death. Their surroundings alone were enough to make them go mad--squalor with risk of disease, little to no news of the world, save from their "Afghan Angels". They were shocked to find they were indeed international news.

I was completely gripped by the premise of this story. To hear about the events leading up to 9-11 "from the other side" was enlightening. And the strength of their faith was just amazing to me. While they had their moments of weakness, their ongoing bravery and courage humbled my heart. The goodness of the people, not wanting harm to come to anyone, even their captors, was truly mind-blowing.

What I really enjoyed about this book was that while it is from a Christian publisher, and regards the Christian hostages and their faith, I feel that this book is very accessible to those of all faiths. Many times they show their respect for the faith of their captors, as they had before being arrested. I think that is a strong message to make today. I feel this book is appropriate for teens (middle school) to adults. While books can convey very strong visuals, I do not feel there is anything inappropriate for a pre-teen/teenager to read. I also do not feel that it is inappropriate in a public school setting--this is history, just as The Diary of Anne Frank, and the history of our nation.

As this book ends (no spoilers!) there is promise of a documentary being released (kabulmovie24.com) I do hope it makes it to light. This is a worthy story to tell.

Readathon a bust, but...

2009-12-06T05:01:00.002-05:00

I knew that my participation in the readathon might be iffy, considering I was going to our judo party first. Understatement of the year! I slept horribly (thank you rainy weather) and had alot of pain. Add that to a party with kids running and screaming *indoors* (yes, guiltily one was mine until I gave him THE LOOK which kept him quiet for a bit). AND popping balloons (one of my huuuuuge pet peeves, that alone will give me a migraine).

But the food was awesome--I love potlucks--we took our famous rum balls (yes you can get drunk on them and this was just 80 proof, not 140 proof like we did a few years ago), JB's favorite allergen-free cookies, JQ's chocolate and double chocolate chip cookies (oh man, that girl loves to cook and bake, lucky me! She's making gingerbread cookies next week!). One family made homemade empanadas (JQ's new "must make") and homemade eggrolls.

After lots of wonderful food, Sensei got up to talk about how proud he was of the students this year. Each student got a letter plus a Kodokan pin (vintage!). And then he gave out the special awards. JudoMan got a lovely pen for assisting with classes and becoming a greenbelt in such a short time. It took me so long to convince him to try violin lessons, and he loves it. I don't think he ever thought teaching Judo was in his future but he does well and with so many kids, the help was needed and appreciated.

Then Sensei called up JudoQueen. She got a gorgeous plaque for Outstanding Student. He treats her like one of his own, heck, we're all his extended family. But he dotes on JQ so very much, it makes me proud. He told everyone that in 2 years time how many tournaments she's placed in. He also said it is his intention to get her to the Olympic Trials, how he believes in her. He's done it at least 3 times before and though he'd have to watch her as a spectator (TeamUSA has their own coaches and managers) I know it would be one of the proudest moments of his life. If anyone can do it, my girl can. Forget mother's intuition. I know it. I see it. She's aiming for Rio 2016.

JediBoy wants to follow in his footsteps. And I don't know at the age of 7 if he'll do it, but he's just as determined. JM and I laugh at the coolness of how it would be to be the parents of two Olympians.

So while I'm sorry I missed the readathon, it was nice to be there for my family.

Read-a-Thon!

2009-12-04T04:48:00.003-05:00

Need a break from the hustle & bustle? Join us at Dreadlock Girl's Read-a-thon!

The kids have a judo party in the early afternoon so I hope to join in for at least part of the day. Good thing too, I have 2 books for review I need to read (one for GoodReads, one for Thomas Nelson's Publishers), plus a library book.

Thanks for the reminder, PerpetualSpiral ;)

*Update* thank you for all the wonderful comments! Unfortunately I slept awful last night and was in alot of pain. Came home from party in a cold sweat and crashed. I was so looking forward to this : / Going to try to read a little, eyes hurt tonight too (what is this, a mutiny?) I think my body thought it was a sleep-a-thon :P~

So happy for all the readers who are getting it done! Bravo!

GoodReads Book Review: A Little Bit Wicked

2009-11-29T06:42:00.000-05:00

A Little Bit Wicked: Life, Love, and Faith in Stages by Kristin Chenoweth

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Aside from "West Wing" and "Wicked" I knew very little about the powerhouse actress and singer Kristin Chenoweth. Upon a recommendation, I snagged this from the library. And OH what fun!

Chenoweth is delightful, bubbly, and full of nuggets of wisdom, not just for the stage and screen, but for life in general. By all appearances, you think her life is all peaches and cream, but she will be quick to show you her flaws, laughing and cringing about them the entire time. She never gets so sweet that you feel like you have to get an insulin shot. That's where the "little bit Wicked" comes in.

I used to want to be an actress, and I have so much reverence for those like Chenoweth. It's a tough world with tough hours and you've never quite done enough to "earn your dues".

But Chenoweth performs this all, while keeping her soul intact. Her heart, big as her home state of Oklahoma, makes this one of the most enjoyable autobiographies I've read in some time.

And yes, Michelle, I promise to see Wicked as soon as I can ;) I also plan to scoop up as much of her work as I can find on Netflix. With a book this much fun, I don't want to miss out on the rest.

View all my reviews >>

Blessed :)

2009-11-24T18:24:00.002-05:00

I want to wish you Blessings--to those who celebrate Thanksgiving and to those who don't. Thank you for blessing my life this year.

I've found myself on paths I would not have imagined, have had amazing people come into my life, got rid of some toxic things that were weighing me down, and have felt a new spirit of energy (even if it's not physical) about me.

My in-home family could not be more amazing. Their love, compassion, and kindness tell me not only am I doing the right things, but that I do deserve such goodness in my life.

My friends I call family have circled around me and lifted me up in ways that humble me and bring joyful tears to my eyes. I'm so tickled I get to see two of them tomorrow after many years apart.

My online friends, both old and new, have taught me about friendship with those you don't see, but share so much, you are "real life friends". Perhaps it was one thing that linked us in the beginning, such as our chronic illness, but just like other friendships we share so much more now. And I can't wait for the day we meet and become IRL friends :)

I'm blessed to be an aunt and a sister and a granddaughter, cousin, mom, wife, daughter, friend. I know there are days I feel alone--pain isolates you. But my life is not empty. Add the amazing doctors I have (and will have after tomorrow) and it's a good reminder I'm in good hands. Even if I'm still sick. Even if there's not a cure. It's not over.

May you all be blessed as much as you've blessed me. May I return the favor of being there, just as you have been here for me.

Blessed Be!

GoodReads Book Review: First Reads "Balarama"

2009-11-21T14:45:00.004-05:00

Balarama: A Royal Elephant by Ted Lewin

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I received this book through GoodReads "First Reads" Giveaway. I love Children's/Young Adult books, and since the subject matter was elephants and India, I knew I would like this before it even got here.

Based on two trips made by authors Ted and Betsy Lewin, Balarama tells the story of an elephant by that name who will be leading the procession of a parade during Dasara, a holy festival in India. Accompanying the text are the dazzling paintings done by Betsy Lewin.

While this book is aimed at ages 9-12, I read it aloud to my 7 year old son, who enjoyed it as much as I did. We both learned several words in Hindi and Kannada (there is a glossary at the back) and marveled in the artwork. Truly, I think this is the most beautiful illustrated books I have ever seen--my son argued with me over one painting of the parade of elephants, insisting that it must be a photograph.

I can see the use of this book in the study of India, elephants, and relgious/cultural customs for a few age ranges. A section in the back discusses the differences between Asian and African elephants as well as the anatomy of elephants. One final section lists the lineage of the Royal Elephants who participated in Dasara.

I have to admit, based on story alone, I would have given it 4 stars. Betsy Lewin's glorious paintings earned an extra star on its own. I have looked up a few more titles of theirs and will be sure to purchase them.

I feel so fortunate that this book found its way to me; I hope other readers are as equally delighted.

View all my reviews >>

*This book was given to me by Lee & Low Books at no charge; I was not paid for this review and this is my honest review*

One for the Slayer?

2009-11-20T19:33:00.002-05:00

I realized today it has been 20 days since I've had a migraine. DUDE. My previous record was 16 days. My Chronic Daily Headache has reared its ugly head now and again, but with the higher dose of Depakote, I *think* this is going to work.

As we say in the South, YEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWW!

The profuse hair loss has slowed down. It's still coming out, but not at the rate it was. A friend online who had lost her hair due to meds said she used to put temporary tattoos on her head LOL I love the idea, if it comes to that. I am still having bouts of anxiety and mood swings associated with the depakote, but still way worth it to not have migraines. I know it's not "me", it's the med, which makes it easier to deal with.

Next week I see Dr. Awesome and my new Neurologist. I can still go up another 500 mg on the Depakote, and am completely willing to do it. I'm excited to see what he suggests for my fibro. With the cooler weather/weather changes, my pain has been at the top of the scales even with meds. I feel pretty confident this is going to be a good practice to be with, considering all the things they treat, and the treatments available to them. They're also known for their groundbreaking work and studies. I am more than ready to be a guinea pig!

I've gotten some updated photos of my PoohBear, he is just so precious! Can't wait to see him next week!

That is, if we're all well. Yeah. Yesterday JB said he was tired and his throat hurt a little, but he didn't want to miss school--he's been doing amazing work, especially in math and AR (he's at the top of his reading class!!). I am daily blown away by what a difference this school has made in his life. He loves school, loves learning, loves taking tests. I KNOW! TESTS! But by the end of the day, he was really feeling miserable. And today was the class Thanksgiving/AR party. And he missed it.

It's only until he's sick right before Turkey day that we remember, oh yeah, he always gets sick before Thanksgiving. At least 3 of the 4 past years of school. And normally, not a big deal in the worry department, though he was so sad to miss the party. We compensated with an all-day Star Wars marathon and a slurpee. But with all the hype of H1N1, I was a little twitchy. He had a high fever, was dizzy, had a headache, and a little less perky than usual. But my doc's office was packed so we're just doing the wait and see. The kid has a pretty kick-ass immune system. He pretends there are jedis in his bloodstream to fight germs LOL.

I'm achy as all get out--something about when they are sick, my pain gets worse and even my skin burns. JQ is tired, JM has a sinus headache. So we're thinking WELL THOUGHTS so that we can fuss all over my little nephew. Who, btw, was a little angel when he got to see Santa.

We may be germy, but the Headache Slayer may have scored one big beastie in the Migraine department!

A little Home Spa

2009-11-14T06:10:00.003-05:00

I am absolutely in LOVE with a nailpolish I found through twitter: Zoya (artofbeauty.com). There are over 300 shade ands I am just in nailpolish heaven! So here's a few of my faves:

Collette: a lovely caramel brown with some sparkles in it.

My ABSOLUTE favorite: Dovima, a matte velvet Black, not like your normal nailpolish texture. Looks very hot. This picture made it on their Facebook page and website :D

Kotori, dark blue with sparkles. Brighter than photographed.

JudoQueen wearing Tart, a brighter blue with sparkles. I may have to try it out, it looked really nice on her nails--and very sturdy for Judo too!

I love the Zoya Color Lock system. It comes with polish remover (unique pump dispenser), anchor (base coat), ridge filler (in place of base coat if your nails are uneven), nailpolish (1-4 coats depending on opacity), armor (topcoat) and Hurry up (dries nailpolish in 5 minutes). There is also a Restore in the kit to freshen up polish that is getting a little sticky over time).

My only issue with the system--and this may be my personal inexperience with doing my own nails--is the length of time it takes for everything to dry so it doesn't get tacky and take on the impression of your pillowcase when you sleep. I haven't been able to contact Zoya concerning this but hope to find out if there's a trick I'm just not privy to.

The best part of Zoya nailpolish is that it contains none of the nasty toxic chemicals that many popular brands do. And the polish lasts about 5-7 days. Pretty cool in my book ;)

33 quarters....

2009-11-10T23:39:00.002-05:00

After 8 1/4 years, JudoQueen has still got it. All A's ;) Considering she attends one of the top schools in the nation, no small feat. She's only in 9th grade and already getting "fan mail" from some of the big league colleges. Duke University is especially courting her since she's in their Talent Identification Program.

And JediBoy! He got straight A's for the very first time, you've never seen a happier boy (or mama)! He's always been an A/B student, but this school has been so nurturing and really "gets" him. All his teachers love to tell us what a sweet, smart boy he is. It's nice that he's at a school where he doesn't follow in his sister's shadow. He gets to shine all on his own!

I have to bask in their glow. They are such neat people, and not just because they are my kids ;)

30 Things...slightly overdue ;)

2009-11-08T23:05:00.005-05:00

During the month of September, one week has been set aside nationally for those with Invisible Illness--to encourage education about these conditions, facilitate conversations, and advocate for better tests, treatments, and cures.

September was a bit crazy for me, so I missed posting about it. But thanks to my dear friend PerpetualSpiral, I found the Meme that many used that week:

30 Things About My Invisible Illnesses You May Not Know (unless you've read my entire blog for the past 5 years and even then...)

1. The illnesses/conditions I live with are: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (1995), Fibromyalgia(1996), TMJ(1992), IBS (thankfully better managed with probiotics and dietary changes)(2009), GERD (ditto)(2009), Iritis (autoimmune eye disease)(1997), Chronic knee pain (after slip & fall)(2005), esophagitis(2009), Chronic Daily Headache (slowly getting better and no longer technically "daily")(2004), Complex Migraine Disease(2004) (Migraines since 1995), Anxiety(1998), OCD(1998), Insomnia (2005), tardive dyskinesia due to medication (2009), environmental allergies (2007), drug allergies (1990-2009), cervical disc degeneration (2008).

2. I was diagnosed: see above

3. But I had symptoms since: Many conditions diagnosed this year, I've had since 95/96.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: pacing myself and being satisfied with that.

5. Most people assume: I'm just depressed and overweight (thus depressed)

6. The hardest part about mornings are: If I've slept, and slept thru a dose of medication, the pain and waiting for meds to kick in. If I haven't, trying to get to sleep.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: House MD of course :)

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Tv/vcr (no DVR yet lol), Cell phone, borrowed laptop, sewing machine for quilting

9. The hardest part about nights are: pain, insomnia, nightmares, getting quality sleep.

10. Each day I take 2 supplements, 2 OTC meds, 6 meds (have 3 others for "as needed")

11. Regarding alternative treatments :I would LOVE to get acupuncture. Hoping new neuro has this available as a PT option (because insurance will pay then). At $90 a treatment, it's a luxury.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I don't know. There are times when I have to use a cane or wheelchair (or wear my sunglasses indoors during iritis flare). I'm losing my hair due to the depakote. But I can fake a smile that is Oscar-worthy and there are times ppl have no ideal that I have a bone-crushing headache or pain. My friends always think I've found a new treatment until I admit, no, still looking. I think I might get more support from my extended family if it were a visible disability, but even then I don't know I'd want to trade. I don't feel like ppl treat me differently when I'm in the wheelchair. I have friends with visible disabilities and I don't think it's any better or any worse.

13. Regarding working and career: Since my job is mom, I've had to adapt. JM does alot of the physical parenting (driving, meetings) as well as homework w/ JB, and I do most of the homework help for JQ/nurturing parenting (except math ::shudder::). I've had to give up piano for a time, not being able to predict when a migraine will strike and frequent illnesses (before probiotics) was hard to schedule lessons. Many schools offer lessons now, which is just more convenient for parents. But that's why I'm so excited to start Etsy and need to work more on Zazzle--I work on my own schedule and energy/pain levels. And it is so rewarding it does not feel like work :)

14. People would be surprised to know: my pain and fatigue is 24/7/365. Times 14 years. There is no time off for good behaviour.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: not being the kind of mom I always wanted to be, the kind of wife I always wanted to be. But I have a kind of closeness with my family I think not enough people share.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: learn to love exercising on the treadmill, self-taught HTML (with brainfog, no easy feat!)

17. The commercials about my illness: HATE Excedrin migraine/HATE lyrica for FMS/HATE any otc "pain" med. They completely trivialize how devastating and painful these conditions can be. Even when my migraines were "mild" and I used Imitrex I could never be out in the sun at a kid's sports match. Tried Lyrica, did nothing, but so many ppl think the actor has fibro. And if one advil takes away your pain, shut up already. That's not real pain. No I'm not bitter, why do you ask? LOL

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: hiking, being able to go all day, all night at themeparks, rollercoasters, making gourmet dinners & elaborate desserts (my record is a cake that took 3 days to make. Chocolate Damnation and DAMN it was good!). I've been ill since I had my kids so I don't know what it's like to have energy/no pain for them.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: piano lessons. Again, such a joy it doesn't feel like a job. But I hope to get that back. Hard to give up the dream of having 4 kids. That was the worst. Wouldn't trade my 2 for the world, but seeing my nephew brings on the baby lust! And I've always dreamed about having my own wildlife rehabilitation place. I know I may be able to help at a facility, but after reading "Ranch of Dreams" I wanted my very own piece of land. I grew up with a lot of animals, it feels downright empty sometimes with "just" a dog and 2 fish! I also wanted to play violin but the head position is just too hard on my neck.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: quilting (93), Jewelry making (08), Singing National Anthem (04), photography, Knitting (07), walking on treadmill (04), blogging (04), Twitter/FB (09), making graphics, tweaking HTML on blog

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: spend day touring Paris with family

22. My illness has taught me: the value of true friends, real empathy, how to be my own health advocate, how much my family loves me

23. Want to know a secret? Somewhere, I have Donnie & Marie Barbie Dolls LMAO

24. But I love it when people: make me laugh

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: I don't have a particular one. However it always seems when I need to hear something, I will get an email, or read a quote in a book, or on Twitter and it's exactly what I needed. I don't think that's a coincidence. Some of my favorite inspiration comes from Marianne Williamson, Maya Angelou, Sheila Walsh, and Dr. House (lol)

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Educate yourself. Educate your doctor (a good one will let you). Educate your family and find a good support system, whatever that means to you. Expect to go through the grieving process. Handle it the way YOU want to handle it, not how other people do. No one's experience is just like yours.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I'm less afraid to try things now than before. Could be because I'm getting old too LOL

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: brought over a complete dinner for my family when I was healing from gallbladder surgery

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: so many people in this country have them, but because there's not a pink ribbon campaign, it goes unnoticed.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: hopefull....that someday there won't need to be a "week" because people will have more empathy for others. But really I did this list for me. I hope my friends and newcomers read it, but this was a good exercise for me to do. So even if no one reads it, I still gained quite a bit :)

They Help Slay My Headaches

2009-11-07T10:02:00.000-05:00

Behold, my ever-growing Blogroll!

Friends in Real Life, Friends in the Blogosphere

Headaches & Migraines

Chronic Illness/Pain/Allergies

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender

Shopping & Makeup

Health, Fitness, & Body Image

Parents Who ROCK!

Authors & Artists

All Creatures Great & Small

Cute Overload

Entertainment

BlogHer

BlogHer Blogroll

Thankful Thursday

2009-11-05T17:48:00.002-05:00

Something I got out of the habit of doing--no better time like the present!

1. My Grandma does not have to have her gallbladder removed! This is great news, especially on top of her slow but sure recovery from lung cancer. I know how my surgery affected me, so HOORAY! ::smooches::

2. JM visited the dermatologist for his yearly check (history of skin cancer in family). He had one "sun spot" that statistically can change over time, so he treated it right there. Not cancerous at all, but still a big whew!

3. JB was getting out of the car and thought he got bit on his neck by an ant--instead he got stung by a wasp. With his severe food allergies, we've always worried about bee stings. Thankfully he is not allergic. A little anti-itch cream, an ice pack, and some TLC and he was good as new. His only worry was being able to go to Judo LOL.

4. Both kids are getting straight A's on their report cards for the first quarter. For JQ, this means wonderful things since she's attending an International Baccalaureate school. And she hasn't broken her straight A record ;) For JB, this will be his first time ever, and he is so proud. It's amazing how wonderful, nurturing teachers can make a difference in a kid's love of learning.

5. Getting into the new neurologist so quickly--I think #2 took 3 months wait time. Just a few more weeks!

6. My friends on Twitter and Facebook. While FB is more of my closer friends and friends from HS, Twitter is a vast array of ppl. Heck I'm even chatting with "Dr. House" LOL If you're a bargain hunter, some great deals can be found with Twitter only specials, coupons, and contests. That's how I won my phone, and got some great spa nailpolish at 50% off!

7. GoodReads...essentially a social site for book geeks :) You can list books, comment on other's "shelves", enter contests for free, not-yet-released books (I won my first week in) and I'm even a volunteer librarian ;)

8. Got to participate in a focus group for our local paper on how to improve their website--1 hr, got paid $50 :) LOVE doing stuff like that. Helped to revamp the entertainments section years ago, which is how I got my movie column gig (January!)

9. And with that $50 I used it to buy fabric--I'm entering The Hoffman Challenge quilt contest for the first time. I've said I wanted to for years, well this year I am doing it! It's due in July of 2010. I am working on a design, purchasing the fabrics, and can't wait to start! Even if I don't win, I will get professional feedback and my quilt could be chosen for a nationwide tour.

10. My family, for so many reasons.
JB for bringing me ice packs when I have a migraine, cuddling, and making me laugh. He's so proud showing me his work every day and
telling me stories of his friends.

JQ for hanging out with me while we watch GLEE and Project Runway, talking, shopping, discussing High school. I treasure how close we are. I don't just love her, I actually LIKE her. At least until she rolls her eyes at me LOL. And her cooking/baking skills, WOW! She keeps telling me her college roommates are going to love her and I agree. She loves to bake cookies for her boyfriend (9 months now!). She and her dad love to bond over cooking, they make a great team.

Both the kids for working their tails off in Judo, 4 days a week. But they love it, it's not just exercise to them. JQ is focused on Rio 2016, and JB may not be far behind. Proud of JM for doing Judo too, at nearly 40 (this month). He not ony participates, he teaches the young kids/first-timers the basics so the coach/Sensei can teach the rest of the class.

And as far as supporting me while we search for better treatments for my migraines, CFS and FMS, they are incredible. My new neuro is over an hour away--JM doesn't question it--he knows the quality doctors are few and far between, and resources here aren't the best. He took a look at their website and was excited for me too.

And despite our lack of DVR, it's nice to cuddle to watch the numerous shows we tape during our busy week. Things have been rough for awhile, but there's finally a ray of light, and that is such a relief. I guess after 17 years it's not unexpected but not fun either. But with the cooler weather, things are starting to heat up ;)

11. Leaving off with an odd number, but my precious nephew PoohBear, who is just as darling as both of mine. At 8 weeks, he can already hold up his head and roll from his tummy to back! When you look in his eyes, you see a very wise soul looking back at you. Thankfully my family send pictures and videos to keep me from missing him too horribly.

You don't have to leave 11, but give me a shout out what you're thankful for :)

Bullying NO WAY!

2009-11-04T20:56:00.002-05:00

I am so proud to know Jaylen and happy to support such an incredible movement. Bullies are everywhere and it's Jaylen's mission to stop them. He visits schools to educate kids about bullying and Tourette's Syndrome. There are plenty of adults who could use a refresher lesson!

Tonight, Jaylen and celebrity spokesperson Dash Mihok (Romeo+Juliet, I am Legend) were on CBS evening news with Katie Courik as displaying The Spirit of America

Watch video from CBS.com now

You can find more information at JaylensChallenge.org BRAVO!!!

You think That Tweet was about you?

2009-11-04T07:27:00.003-05:00

From my Twitter feed:

should blame myself for thinking this was any different than any other clique in the world. WTF ever.
about 24 hours ago from web

Passive aggressive is for pussies.
about 24 hours ago from web

I get enough crap from my own family. Not about to take it from anyone else. Here's a thought, instead of ignore, just unfollow.
about 24 hours ago from web

sick and tired of having to walk and talk on eggshells around ppl. One minute they are your best buds and then...nothing. Tired of HS BS.

You know who you are. You wrote the nasty post about me, accusing me of all sorts of things that you and I know are not true. You said some really cruel things about me when you have no right to judge me, people in glass houses and all.

Those tweets had NOTHING to do with you. You were not even in the realm of my thoughts when I tweeted that. And because I talked to some people IN PRIVATE and realized there was just miscommunication, I realized *my mistake* that I was being too sensitive.

Too sensitive. Does that sound familiar? Like thinking everything revolves around you and your sad little life? I didn't pity you yesterday but I sure as hell do now. Because you just lost a real friend.

And I'm not moderating comments or deleting blogs, or entries. You want to talk about not tapping out? You're talking to THE Judo mom. I don't flinch.

Three Down....

2009-11-04T02:57:00.003-05:00

Today I saw Neuro #3. He now has a number because at the end of the month, I will be seeing Neuro #4 (in the past 5 years).

It wasn't a great visit. My migraines have increased back to 1-3 a week. Ever since that 17 or so day Status Migraine, they steadily got worse. Worse still, my abortive, Migranal NS has stopped working. And though I had hope the preventive Depakote was working--I actually went 17 days without a migraine--it doesn't seem to be doing much, except making me lose my hair, literally. It's one of the more common side effects. Still rather be bald than have migraines!

So he doubled the Depakote--which is the typical dose for migraine prevention. I have no idea if my new neuro will keep me on it, but it's worth a try. He cut out the Migranal, so all I'm left with is the Dilaudid to try and lessen the pain when I have a bad one (like the one I had on Halloween...yep, missed the whole day).

I felt a little bad at the end. He's really nice, I like him. He's been the nicest Neuro I've had. But after 5 years I need not just the experience but the current trials and breakthroughs that this clinic seems to have.

I didn't tell him I was switching. Have to keep that door open just in case. And I would refer someone with fewer migraine problems to him. But with all my chronics, this new clinic holds more promise, since they treat FMS as well. Dr. Awesome is at the end of her abilities to help me with the pain. So I'll have to travel over an hour away, but it may be worth it.

A Case of chronic denial -- Signs of the Times News

2009-10-23T16:38:00.000-04:00

A Case of chronic denial -- Signs of the Times News: http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195287-A-Case-of-chronic-denial

This is both hopeful and horrifying. After 14 years, I may have proof to those who don't believe me--such as my family--that YES I AM SICK. Not lazy, not bored, not depressed. SICK. And it's not because I'm fat, or lazy, or don't exercise enough. Read that again, oh skeptical doctors who have humiliated me in the past: IT IS NOT BECAUSE I'M FAT.

At the same time I am terrified. I developed this disease, call it CFS, call it ME, call it XMRV disease or XAND (as suggested in the article) when my daughter was 7 mos old. I breastfed my son (though giving birth, being pregnant, could be enough). And they got here because, to put it bluntly, I've "been" with my husband.

Have I unknowingly infected them too? That thought is almost too much to bear. This virus appears to cause prostate cancer, leukemia and lymphoma.

My family, my world, who has kept me going for the past 14 years. What does this mean for them?

What would you do?

2009-10-20T19:50:00.001-04:00

Please watch this video and pass it around. This made me cry for all the things I want to do, but am no longer able to. My kids have never known me as well. I developed CFS when JudoQueen was 7 mos old.
I would go to Disney and not use my wheelchair.
I would hop on a plane and take them on safari in Africa.
I would take Judo class with them.
I'd take dancing lessons again with my husband
I'd clean the house, fix dinner, and wash the dishes.
And give thanks.

I get by with a little help from my friends

2009-10-16T20:17:00.003-04:00

There are times when my chronics make me feel very small, very useless, very invisible. And when offences come my way, or someone near me, I feel helpless to stop it, or make it better. I hate feeling helpless. Worse yet, I hate appearing helpless.

This week, I was blessed, twice, by being given the opportunity to band together to right a wrong. To take what little I could offer and turn it into something larger than myself, my chronic illness, and the problem at hand.

The first came when I learned of some friends who were in dire straights. No job, no unemployment, no insurance--and about to lose everything they had. She's ill like me. He puts out a plea. While I can't go in with a great big white hat, I did what I could. Offered what I could, and spread the word for their need. I held my breath, barely able to fathom how frightening it must be.

And then.....word came that enough had come together, every one of us who could only do a little, made for a great thing to happen. As I read the update, I cried.

That same weekend, a radio DJ with a Twitter audience made a terrible joke at the expense of the Fibromyalgia community. One by one, we found each other on Twitter, sad, angry, outraged, and committed to one goal--an apology. Emails, phone calls, texts and tweets were sent to no avail. Our frustration fell on deaf ears. We were mocked even more.

A FB page was started and within days, swelled to nearly 2,000 members. A petition began. Some members worked tirelessly, relentlessly. I did what I could, but after being threatened myself, backed off, encouraging the rest. Signing petitions. Enlisting friends to our cause.

And then....tonight....he posted an apology, both on his website and on Twitter as well. Once more, I cried. It was validation that "our illness may be invisible, but WE ARE NOT." And while I was not the driving force at the end, I could celebrate with the others on Twitter, as much as one CAN celebrate online, each of us talking about our happy tears, sending virtual hugs and high fives. And I stopped and sent the DJ a sincere thank you for his apology. I don't care what motivated him to do it--I hope it was his conscience for those of us who suffer enough without being mocked.

Many people belittle the friendships made online. I've been burned a time or two myself. But after this week, no one can tell me that there isn't a power of good to be found in something that can unite one person with others in order to care for those that walk on the same planet.

People with fibromyalgia should be shot?! UPDATED!!

2009-10-14T03:52:00.005-04:00

Enraged like me? Here's more you can do:

Sign a petition: http://tinyurl.change.org/ApRyL

Join the FB Cause FMS against Dave Ryan:
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/373149

Thanks!!

FINAL UPDATE!!!!!!!

On Friday, October 16, Dave Ryan issued a letter of apology on his website:

http://bit.ly/3pNBkb

As someone eloquently wrote this week: our illness may be invisible, but we are NOT.

Blog Awards make me Blush ;)

2009-10-09T05:35:00.008-04:00

I LOVES me some Twitter. What was just for fun has become a link to other people with chronic/invisible illnesses. We console when in pain, we laugh, encourage, and all in 140 characters ;) It doesn't matter that our illnesses are different. We are Spoonies United! Some of us have blogs and I love reading them to get to know them better beyond Twitter.

One of those is My AutoImmune Life (@autoimmunelife on Twitter). And bless her heart, she gave me not one, but TWO blog awards today!! Which was really awesome, because I had a migraine today.

The criteria of this award is that I have to list 7 things I love and then 7 bloggers I love to pass this award on to.

7 Things I Love:
1. My family--JudoMan, JudoQueen, and JediBoy
2. My pets--dog Willow, fish Gandalf and Frodo
3. My nephew PoohBear
4. Reading--I have more books than I can possibly read, ever.
5. Connecting with friends, IRL, online, on Twitter & FB
6. All creatures great and small, from tiny geckos to enormous humpback whales
7.being "kreative" ;)

Rules
1. You Can Only Use One Word
2. Pass this along to 7 of your favorite bloggers
3. Alert them that you have given them this award
4. Have Fun!

One Word
1. Where is your cell phone? Charging
2. Your hair? Ponytail
3. Your mother? sleeping
4. Your father? working
5. Your favorite food? Chocolate
6. Your dream last night? steamy
7. Your favorite drink? tea
8. Your dream/goal? Happy
9. What room are you in? Family
10. Your hobby? Numerous
11. Your fear? loss
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Paris
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something that you aren’t? tall
15. Muffins? Chocolate
16. Wish list item? books
17. Where did you grow up? Florida
18. Last thing you did? blinked
19. What are you wearing? tshirt
20. Your TV? Off
21. Your pets? awesome
22. Friends? loving
23. Your life? bumpy
24. Your mood? Meh
25. Missing someone? Yes
26. Vehicle? One
27. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
28. Your favorite store? Amazon
29. Your favorite color? rose
30. When was the last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? Monday
32. Your best friend? husband
33. One place that I go to over and over? Twitter
34. One person who emails me regularly? Advertisers
35. Favorite place to eat? Home

And the Six bloggers I *pink puffy heart* are:

Jaylen's Challenge

Sugar Mommy

The Transplanted Garden

The Ugly Grey House

It's All About The Walls

Fairy Findings and Bits of Tid

Thank you again, so much Autoimmunelife, for making my day special :)

Give Me Something To Sing About

2012 Goals

2011 Year in Review

Angels on Patrol

It's my Blogiversary: I'll cry if I want to

NOT coming unglued

Slayer Surgery

A Season for Thanks--a unique perspective for 2011

Fall TV reviewed

Steve Jobs: RIP

Wordle

Headacheslayer's Fieldtrip: To The ER

Prayers for the Headacheslayer Family Please

Support the Sophie Lancanster Foundation

Memories

Kids, don't try this at home....

19

The Beginning of School: Mama Brag edition

The Status of The Slayer

Something to Sing About???

One easy click can help families!!

The Manicured Slayer: Slaying My Blues without Chipping a Nail

PLEASE Watch, help and repost!

Key Players In Casey Anthony Trial Day 36 - Photos - WFTV Orlando

Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song [Official Video]

Friend Making Monday with All The Weigh

Incredible Moment in History!

NO ONE deserves this.....

He's NINE!

Meet our new family member! *UPDATED*

Dilemma: Thing 1 and Thing 2 **UPDATED**

Contest time! Fresco Phyrra!

2011 Goals

Happy New Year! 2011

2010 Year End Roundup

HeadacheSlayer sings National Anthem

It's a Wonderful Movie

I'm Dreaming of a Bling Bling Christmas.....

Meth-y Year

The Pain Chronicles--MUST READ!

The Verdict.....

Parental Braggage

Little Bee--MUST READ!!

Launch Camp TAG (The Allergy Gang) in 11 U.S. cities. | Pepsi Refresh Everything

FAIL

On the other hand....

The Pain of Sleeping and Waking

Goodreads | Headacheslayer's review of Leaving Before It's Over

A Real life Superhero!

He's used to it by now.....

Reading List 2010--Redux

Is it hot in here?

Bite Me! A book review ;)

Live Preview: Season 1, Ep 5: Poisoned Past Breakdown Pt 2 - FanFiction.Net

Silver Lining to Today's Migraine....

Georgia on my mind...

Goodreads | Headacheslayer review of Talking to Girls About Duran Duran: One Young Man's Quest for True Love and a Cooler Haircut

Who is Angel Hoffman?

Goodreads | Headacheslayer's review of The Margin

Two years later....UPDATE

Live Preview: House MD, Ep 4: Six Letter Curse Breakdown Pt 1 - FanFiction.Net

Last day of school! Last day of school!

Create safe, sensory environments for special needs school children | Pepsi Refresh Everything

Do I exist if I don't blog?

Dorian: The healing power of art and spirit

Season 1, Episode 3: Snakes on a Stripper Pole Chapter 1, a House, M.D. fanfic - FanFiction.Net

Condolences

The Angels are weeping

AngelHoffman - FanFiction.Net

AngelHoffman - FanFiction.Net

Prayers please

Fifteen

JUDO FAQ's

8 years ago....

Mine, all mine!

Help Haiti NOW

BRRRRR

Reading List 2010

The year that flew by....

The Highs and Lows of the Holidays

Meet our new family member! UPDATED

Dilemma: Thing 1 and Thing 2 UPDATED